Lord give me strength

54

Georgia: Where do you wanna get a healthy snack, Florida?

Florida: Ugh, I want Chipotle. 

Georgia: I SAID A HEALTHY SNACK FLORIDA

Louisiana: Is there a word that's a mix between angry and sad? 

California: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated- 

Florida: Smad.

Florida: I'm not trying to irritate you.

Massachusetts: Well, then you just must have a natural talent for it.

Florida: Some of you cowards complain when someone calls you pretty

Florida: if anyone ever called me pretty i would probably die

Florida: Like fuck yeah

Florida: I'll be the prettiest boy you've ever seen

California: are you okay?

California: Florida tried to tell me onions are the only food that makes you cry

California: So I carved 'DC doesn't love you' into a watermelon

California: He's still crying

Villain DC: Are you ready?

Florida: I'm always ready

DC: great-

Florida: For you 

DC: For the fucking battle-

DC: I want all of you to write down what you would do if you had 200,000 dollars

[Five minutes later]

DC: You're all finished?

DC: Good

DC: In 2014 a man from the USA stole a diamond that was worth 200,000 dollars and traded it for 20 dollars worth of weed

DC: He could've bought whatever it is you all wrote down

DC: So don't do drugs

Georgia: Get out before I fucking swear in front of the kids

Louisiana & Florida: :0

Georgia: Shit

Florida: If you had to have sex with any insect scaled up to human size, what would it be?

California: What the fuck is wrong with you

DC: The only thing fucking me really hard is life

Florida: Not anymore 

DC, at starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with uhhh, seven espresso shots

New York, next in line: Jesus Christ just do cocaine 

Florida: I lost my phone

Massachusetts: If you lost it you probably didn't care enough about it

Florida:

Florida: You lost me in a Walmart once

Florida: I think I speak for all of us when-

DC: He doesn't

California: He doesn't

New York: He doesn't

DC: Yeah, I'll probably die alone

Waitress: I asked if you were dining alone

DC: That too

California: Elf on the shelf is not a cute family tradition, but rather a physical embodiment of the Orwellian dystopia that we live in today. It is a ploy to make kids blindly accept a surveillance system in their homes and-

Florida: I was just trying to make cookies

Florida: Whoops

Georgia, concerned: whoops? WHOOPS? This isn't a "whoops" situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. We are solidly in "oh fuck" territory and I expect you to act like it

California: Bold words from a high school reject

Florida: High school DROPOUT, actually. They let me in, I let myself out.

DC: Has anyone ever told you you have anger issues?

Massachusetts: I prefer to call it "leadership skills" 

Georgia, to Florida: I need you to look at me when I'm talking so I know you at least tried to listen to me

Florida: Hey guys, you want a tarot reading?

California: Those are pokemon cards

Florida: You get a bidoof, it means "fuck you"

Next chapter will probably be hero/villain concepts