Lord give me strength

53

I kinda wanna do more villain concepts 

Villain DC: What did the REAL Florida say to me this morning?

Fake Florida: Uh...good morning?

Florida: I love you!!

Fake Florida: wait-

Florida: I just watched New York and California try to recreate the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet

DC: How'd it go?

Florida: Every time New York corrected Cali 

Florida: California would say "god damn it Romeo this is why our marriage is failing"

DC: What if nobody actually falls in love with me?

Florida, bursting through a wall: that's where you're wrong

New York: Is it "happy impeachment" or "merry impeachment"? I don't want to offend anyone

California: Treason's greetings

Florida: impeach navidad

California: How can you block someone in real life?

New York: Restraining order

Florida: Murder 

Florida: Hey DC i need some help

DC: With what?

Florida: asking someone out

DC: Sure?

Florida: Do you want to see a photo of them?

DC: sure

Florida: [shows him his phone with the camera facing DC]

Utah: Listen kids, there's nothing "meme" about smoking cigarettes. It's not "Netflix and chill" to do drugs. Fidget spin yourself into church. 

Utah: Pokemon go do your chores

Florida: Maybe I just need a hug

Georgia: Ok well-

Florida: Don't touch me

DC: Look me in the eyes and be straight with me

Florida: Look you in the eyes or be straight? Because I can't do both

Florida: My heart says yes

Florida: [looks over at Georgia death glaring him]

Florida: But my dad says no

Florida: Can you be my dad?

Massachusetts: I don't want to be your dad

Florida: Perfect, you already know your lines

Massachusetts: Wait-

California: Is there anything we don't know about you?

Florida: I get jealous when my phone dies

New York: You good?

Florida: Sarcasm won't get you anywhere

DC: Well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in '98

Florida: Did it?

DC: No.

DC:  Yeah, maybe I don't get "a healthy amount of sleep," but can other people do this?

DC: [Stands up and blacks out for a second]

California: If I ever get murdered just know I talked shit until the bitter end

DC: You're going to get yourself killed

Florida: That's the dream

DC: No

California: What are you doing??

DC, spreading toothpaste on toast: I'm multitasking

California: It's always e-girls this and e-girls that

California: but no one ever wants to talk about the e-conomy

Texas: That's why I voted Trump-

California: American capitalism is a fundamentally flawed system 

Texas: has anyone ever told you to just keep your mouth shut?

Florida: Everyone, all the time

DC: I just need to hear those three words

Florida: I love you

DC: Not those

Florida: I will behave

Georgia: Sometimes I get asked how I can manage Florida and Louisiana so easily

Georgia: The secret is

Georgia: I can't

Georgia: Earlier, Louisiana called my name and when I went in to see what was going on, Florida shot me in the throat with a nerf gun

California: I have met some of the most insufferable people, but they also met me.

Maryland: I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway

Delaware: You can drive?

Maryland: Bitch-

DC: Are you high?

Colorado: Am I what?

DC: High

Colorado: Hello