Lord give me strength

Incorrect quotes

DC: [Answers his phone] Hello?

Florida: It's Florida

DC: [sighs]  What'd he do this time?

Florida: What? No, it's me, Florida. 

DC: Oh...what'd you do this time

--

Florida: [rolls over] Do you think butterflies feel humans when they fall in love or-

DC: [hits him in the face with a pillow] I love you but please go the fuck to sleep

--

DC: You're so annoying

Florida: You love me

DC, tired: I'm sorry, is that supposed to make you less annoying?

--

DC, on the phone with California: Can I stay with you tonight?

California: Why?

DC: I got in a fight with Florida and now he's watching youtube videos on how to hide a body

DC: I'm scared

(Florida 100% already knows how to hide a body, he just saves videos to scare people)

--

DC: [Takes Florida's hands and lovingly looks into his eyes] Florida?

Florida: Yeah?

DC: Florida, love of my life?

Florida: Y-yeah?

DC: I just spent a week organizing these shelves. If you move something without putting it back where you got it from I will fuck you up. 

--

Florida: Frankly, I'm offended that you'd ever even think it was me who set the kitchen on fire.

DC: So it wasn't you?

Florida: No, it totally was, but I'm still offended

--

Florida: Let's play 20 questions

DC, tired: Sure, what's your favorite color?

Florida: Triangle, do you like guys?

--

California: I never doubted you for a second.

Florida: Thanks, Cali. 

California:

Florida:

Florida: You're lying though, right?

California: Absolutely 

--

Florida: Ladies and Gentlemen is so unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I'm falling asleep already. 

Florida: Cowards however, is inclusive to all genders, short and to the point, and worries everyone in the room. 

--

DC: When I said bring me something back from the beach, I meant like, a shell or something. 

Florida, struggling to hold a seagull: Well you should've fucking said that then-

--

DC: Uh... asking for a friend, how long can you go without sleep before you start hallucinating?

California: I think-

CDC: 72 hours

DC:

California:

California: How do you-

CDC: There's a elephant behind you

--

Florida: 'Go to hell' is so vague. 'Get trapped in a porta-potty for 67 months' on the other hand, it's specific, possible, and terrifying. 

Florida: It's perfect!

--

Florida: [runs in and locks the door]

DC: What did you do?!

Florida: Nobody died!

DC:

DC: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

 --

[Something explodes]

DC: What did you do??

Florida: My best

--

Florida: Think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

California: You're a hazard to society

Texas: And a coward, do twenty. 

--

DC: Could you bring me a glass of water?

Florida: [Puts a glass full of ice in front of him] Wait.

--

DC: Let me see what you have.

Florida: A KNIFE! :D
Everyone else: NO!

--

Florida: FOUR MONTHS!

Louisiana: It's not that bad-

DC: What's going on?

Florida: FOUR MONTHS YOU STOOD AND LET ME WATER A FAKE PLANT, LOUI WHY-

--

Connecticut: Can you pass me the pepper?

Utah: What's the magic word?

Connecticut: [Starts chanting in Latin]

Utah, panicking: JUST TAKE IT! OH MY GOSH!

--

California: You're smiling, who died. 

Florida: Can't I smile just because I feel like it?

Louisiana: DC fell down the stairs.

--

California: They weren't, as the kids say, awake. 

Florida: You mean woke?

California: Yeah but that isn't grammatically correct. 

--

DC: You look nice, I want to kiss you.

Florida, who wasn't paying attention: What?

DC: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN'T MISS YOU

--

Florida: I put the sexy in dyslexia

California:

Washington:

New York:

DC:

Louisiana: Uh-

Florida: Don't tell me