Xavier and Nevah

62. It's far from ok

Xavier POV

The sun shone on my face waking me from my slumber. I felt around the bed to find it empty. My eyes opened to see Nevah no where in the room. I got up sleepily and walked around the hut in search for my wife.

That was until I went into the bathroom. Nevah gasped and quickly covered herself with the robe around her. I frowned and went up to her, concern and confusion on my face.

"You alright abeja?" I whispered softly to her. My hand coming up to caress her cheek.

"I'm fine. Just, thinking." She smiled at me.

"Are you sure?" I mumbled, getting a nod in return. "Ok. Want some breakfast?"

"Yeah. What have we got?" Nevah ran her hands up my bare arms.

"Well we have beans and bread for beans on toast, or there's mean down below." I smirked at her.

"Stop." She hit my shoulder playfully.

"Really? That's not what you were saying last night." I chuckled and started tickling her sides. Nevah's giggles filled my ears making me smile, until I got to her hips. She winced and pulled away from me.

"Baby?" I frowned and went to touch her again.

"I'm fine. Come on, let's go get breakfast." She took my hand and went to pull me out of the bathroom. I let her, only then taking her to the bedroom. I sat on the bed and pulled Nevah between my legs.

"Are you gonna tell me, or do I have to look myself?" I asked her in a whisper.

"No. Because I'm fine. I just want something to eat and cuddle with you all day. Just leave it Xavier." Nevah tried to pull away from me. I held her hips but she winced again even louder than in the bathroom. I held her robe and ripped it off her so she stood in front of me naked.

All over her body was dark red marks from the hickeys. And what caught my eyes the most was the bruises on her hips. Dark blue finger prints littered on her hips going up. Carefully, I turned Nevah around seeing more marks on her back, a mixture of red and blue.

"Nevah..." I whispered as my voice broke. Tears formed in my eyes, regretting being that rough with her last night.

My fingers lightly ran across her back and hips, shaking more and more as I looked at her body. Not wanting to see it anymore, I pulled the robe over her body letting her cover herself. I stood up and went into the kitchen to make her breakfast. The anger coursing through my veins, not at Nevah but myself for marking her. Hickeys not so much, but bruising her.

Not after what she's been through. I swore I'd never bruise her like that, not even being so intimate with her. And I did. I bruised Nevah. The words filling my head, I bruised Nevah. My hand fisted as I punched the fridge, denting it. Blood on the seeping on the white of fridge, covering my hand with the redness of my blood.

I ran my hand under the cold water. The clear water turning red as it mixed with my blood. I shook with rage from what I did. It may seem like it's not a big deal. Many people get marked when they have rough sex, but Nevah's is dark. And her back littered with bruises from me biting her.

After I ran my hand under the water, I dried it and quickly made Nevah breakfast so I could leave to get a bandage for my hand and some cream for Nevah. After I made scrambled eggs, bacon and toast for her, I took it into the bedroom where she was sat on the bed. I have her the plate and cutlery and got dressed.

"W-where a-are you going?" Her soft voice filled my ears.

"Out." I mumbled and left the room. I slid the T-shirt over my head and put my shoes on.

Later that night, the moon was high. Nevah stayed in the room while I was sat on the decking out of sight. A cigarette between my fingers as I tried to calm myself. My fingers shakily picking at each other. All day I've avoided Nevah as I know she'll try and talk me out of beating myself up over it. But the anger would only grow from her trying to tell me it's ok, and I'll snap. It's bad enough from what I've done, I don't want to shout at her, especially on our honeymoon.

"C-come f-for a swim with me." Nevah came out of the room. I shook my head not looking at her at all. All I could see was her body covered in marks. Marks that I made.

"P-please." She whispered.

"No." I spat out and took a shaky breath, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Xavier, p-please. I-it's ok, I just want to forget about it." She whimpered.

"It's not ok Nevah." I glared at her, but aiming it at myself. "It's far from ok. Don't fucking tell me that everything is fine because it's not."

"It is." Nevah cried out. "Just forget about it."

I put the cigarette in the ash tray and stood up. I walked over to Nevah and pulled her into the hut by her wrist. We both stood in front of a body long mirror.

"This, this isn't ok." I pulled the robe down to show her neck full of hickeys. "This isn't ok." I pulled it down further to show her shoulder with more marks. I untied it and pulled it down to her waist to show her back full of bite marks, hickeys and bruises. "This is far from ok." Then I let the robe fall completely, once again leaving Nevah naked in front of me. Her chest to mine with her hands under her chin.

"Look Nevah." I stated. Carefully, I raised my hand to her hip to the dark bruises. "This is my hand. My hand that marked you like he once did. I promised myself I'd never mark you like this, to bruise you so it comes out dark and it causes you pain. How can you say this is ok?"

She stayed silent looking over her back and hips in the mirror. I moved away from her and walked back out to the decking. Maybe she'll finally see that what I did, is not ok.