Xavier and Nevah

47. She isn't

Xavier POV

"Wanna go downstairs? Have something to eat and a drink? See everyone? They're all worried about you." I kept rocking Nevah gently. She shook her head with her hand still fisting my T-shirt, the other still rubbing the softness of her blanket.

"Are you sure? Not hungry? Want daddy to get some food? I can order Chinese, pizza, curry." I told her. Once again Nevah shook her head. "What about a bacon sandwich? Or we can go to McDonald's, kfc? Even subway? It's up to you."

"I don't want anything." She mumbled. I sighed planting a kiss on her forehead. I moved Nevah so her legs wrapped around my waist with her arms over my shoulder. My arms held her up by her thighs letting me easily get off the bed and walk out of the room. Nevah's blanket trailing behind me as she refused to depart with it.

When I got downstairs, I sat down between Lewis and dad. Nevah's legs bent either side of me with her face buried in the crook of my neck. I pulled up the blanket to cover the small girl that softly cried on my neck. Her tears wetting my skin every couple of seconds.

"Por qué estás llorando mi amor?" I asked her softly while rubbing her back. (Why are you crying mi amor)

"No quiero comer." Nevah whimpered. (I don't want to eat)

"No tienes que hacerlo, todavía no abeja." I told her with a kiss to her head. (You don't have to, not yet honeybee)

Everyone stayed silent, the only noise was the occasional sniffle Nevah let out or cry. I rubbed her back soothingly under the blanket just letting her know I was here. Apollo in his cage watching the tv intently even with nothing on, and Hurley was Hurley. Curled his large arse between my mum and grandpa.

My phone dinged, letting me know I got a text. I pulled it out of my back pocket after sitting up a little. Nevah's small sniffles still in my ear as she cried. Yet my hand never stopped its movements on her back. Devyn's name came up with a link. I clicked on it and it took me to a website about littles and daddy Dom's.

I read through it, only the things didn't match up to Nevah. I think it's just the trauma of what happened. Dev was just being a friend and making sure, better safe than sorry if anything. But Nevah isn't a little. That's ok, I guess it's just nightmares of what happened to her and she just seeks comfort from people and things. It's one thing that could make her seem like a little, the way she acts with her teddies and blankets, but that's it. There's no other evidence that gives away that Nevah could be a little. I just don't know where she got the daddy thing from.

I don't care. If calling me daddy when she's sobbing after a nightmare calms her, knowing I'm there, I don't care.

"She's not. Nothing matches." I looked at Devyn. She nodded and went back to talking to Sebastian. I sighed and leaned back into the sofa more. Nevah's sniffles had stopped, now all that remained was the soft breaths on my neck.

"You alright abeja?" I asked her with a kiss on the cheek. All I got was a nod. I sighed again and held her tightly, just having her close was enough for me. Knowing she's ok.
~~~~~~

After we all ate, and Nevah having a few bites of my food, everyone left and I took Nevah upstairs. Hurley followed and laid at the foot of the bed. I laid Nevah on the bed and took her clothes off and put one of my T-shirt's on her. After that, I took a quick shower then changed into some boxers.

As soon as I laid down, Nevah curled up to my chest. One arm wrapped around her back with one hand on her head gently massaging her head. Her face buried in my chest with one arm lazily draped over my body. Her dirty blonde hair sprawled out over the pillow.

"Nevah." I say softly. She hummed a little still not talking. "How are you feeling now? You want anything?"

"No." She shook her head. I let out a small sigh and held her. All I could do was hold her until she fell asleep, until she felt content enough to be without me for a minute or two.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? Baby you gotta talk to me, please." Now I was desperate for Nevah to do anything. Literally, say anything to do anything.

Once again, I only got a shake of her head. I closed my eyes for a second, thinking of ways that can take her mind off her thoughts even for a second. A small smirk came to my lips as one of my hands trailed down her back. Nevah shivered a little as my hand for lower and lower.

My hand cupped her arse, giving it a little squeeze before moving between us and going into her pyjama trousers.

"No Xavier." Nevah pulled my hand from her pyjamas.

"Talk to me Nevah. You can't stay silent all the time." I told her.

"No." Was all I got. I let out a sigh and moved from the bed. "W-where are you g-going?" Tears formed in her eyes as her bottom lip quivered.

"To sleep on the sofa." I replied.

"W-why?" Nevah cried out a little.

"Because I want to help you. But you're being too stubborn to even talk to me. I've tried Nevah, I've tried. But all you do is push me away." I raised my voice. "I've tried to talk to you, I've tried to get your mind off it because I want to help."

She stayed silent. Tears fell down her cheeks with her eyes closed.

"All the while you're being stubborn and not talking to me, I can't help. All I want is it see you smile, to laugh but that's not happening anymore. Nevah you have no idea how much I want to help you. To see that light in your eyes again. But you don't tell me things, I barely get a conversation out of you anymore." My voice cracked a little. "I'll see you in the morning."

When I shut the door, I heard Nevah cry. The need to go back in there and comfort her was unbearable. To hold her, but I can't always do that.

"She needs you." Grandpa told me.

"I know." I sighed.

"You've got to be patient with her. It may take time but you have to take it slow. Leaving her isn't the way to do that."

"What else can I do?" I asked. Desperate for anything to help me help her. "I've tried talking to her, to see everyone else but she won't. She doesn't want to. How can I help her if she's not willing to cooperate with me? How can I do anything when she's being stubborn and won't tell me anything at all?"

"You have to be patient. I was beat up for being gay by my family. I still have nightmares about it. I went days without eating and talking to your Abuelo. But he was patient with me, he took the time for me to open up to him about how I felt. Do the same for Nevah. It may not be tomorrow or next week. It took me two years to actually tell your Abuelo what happened to me, what fully happened. It won't be too long, ok? And before you know it, Nevah will be telling you how she feels. And you'll see the weight being lifted off her shoulders. Just be patient with her."

Grandpa put a reassuring hand on my shoulder before walking back into his bedroom. I sighed and went downstairs. I can be patient with her, to open up to me. But I won't let her starve herself because of what's going on in her head. I won't see her do that to herself.