BAD BOY SAVED (male pov)

Distract me.

Her soft eyes searched mine for an explanation but I knew I wasn't going to offer her one. I couldn't. This was just one of those moments I needed her to just understand because there is no way I would physically be able to get the words out.

I ran up to her and fell to my knees, begging her to understand. My arms clung around her waist and my head rested against her stomach. I didn't have enough strength to continue this anymore.

"Liv, I'm so sorry. Please let's just stop all of this fighting."

Please Liv, don't walk away. Just understand. Help me.

"Liam stand up, people are watching." She tried to move me away, rejected me when I was down on my knees begging. I squeezed tighter. Needing her unlike I have ever needed her before.

"Please Liv, lets just go and make up." My voice told her how desperate I was for this. I needed the distraction.

"Liam, let's talk about this. Why are you acting like this, what happened?"

I wanted to scream the answer, to tell her how dangerous the man was at the next table but the words wouldn't leave my body. I just knew that she was the only hope at making me forget, even for the smallest time. I needed to get these images out of my mind. I needed to subdue the fear that was strangling me.

You're in denial Liam.

I don't know why I couldn't tell her who he was, I wanted to. I tried to but instead I kept that fact hidden. If I didn't say it out loud then it wouldn't be true.

"Nothing, please. Let's just get out of here." I tried one more time, pushing her towards something she clearly didn't want to do or just didn't understand what I was asking.

"Liam... Why are you freaking out?" She asked me again, really not drawing up her own conclusions here.

"I'm not. I'm fine." I denied it again, to her. To myself.

There were so many layers to her eyes, each one shining magnificently in the mid morning sun. But she was also clouded with thoughts and troubles, I knew she wasn't putting together the jigsaw puzzle that I so desperately needed her to figure out.

"Liv, lets fuck." I asked her straight because she wasn't picking up on my hints. She didn't understand what I needed.

She won't fuck you Liam, not after everything that has happened between you both. She owes you nothing.

Her eyes widened and the surprise on her face was not lost. I knew she was about to turn me down and I knew I was wrong for putting that on her. But I needed a distraction and if I wasn't going to get it from her I would need to find one elsewhere.

"Please Liv, lets just go fuck, forget everything." I begged desperately.

Her eyebrows arched downwards and she pouted her lips. Displeased at my suggestion.

"And what about Reece?" Her tone was angry and I wasn't sure if she was mad because of what I was asking of her or if she thought I was playing off two different girls.

"What about her?" I asked disinterestedly.

"Isn't she your girlfriend now?"

Is that what she thinks? Jesus.

I really have led her astray although I have never said Reece was my girlfriend, not even once. I just brought her here to drive Liv a little crazy, put my arm around her a couple of times but stopped as soon as Reece started getting the wrong impression and now she thinks we're in a relationship just because of that? It took me me all of this time to trust Liv enough to enter a relationship and I told her nothing happened.

"No, are you insane? I will explain everything... just... Please Liv, I need this."

"Then explain." She was releasing her anger on me and rightly so, I really fucked everything up, just like I knew I would but right now I wasn't in the right frame of mind to have this conversation out with her.

"I didn't... I wasn't... I just..." I tried to find the words but my mind was too clouded. I couldn't think of anything but him. "Reece wasn't... she was... I feel nothing... I love you." My words fell out like erratic stammers and I could see her really focusing on my lips to understand what I was saying.

She looked down at me as I clutched her waist with every ounce of strength that I had. My anchor in the storm. She didn't want to do this, she felt pressured to do this and it would be wrong of me to take advantage of that. But what is the alternative? Drugs? A random girl? A fight?

"Please Liv." I asked quietly, feeling ashamed of myself.

I could see her mind plagued with options, thinking over my choices. There was so much she wanted to delve into, so many questions she wanted to ask but I couldn't talk right now, she knew that. Just as I was about to give up, disappear into the darkness her words knocked me back.

"Okay." She consented.

I searched her face, she wasn't sure about her decision but I waited for her to back out, gave her a chance to change her mind. When she didn't I stood up, taking hold of her hand and dodging my vomit leading us both to the back of the diner. I positioned her between two large trashcans and made quick work with my zipper.

"Take off your underwear." I told her quietly.

I waited as she reached her hands under her dress and slipped down her panties. I took them from her and slipped them into my pocket, they still felt warm. It was an appropriate contrast to us, she was too warm for my cold interior. I grabbed hold of her legs and pulled her up against me, allowing the wall to help me support her weight. It's a stance I've shamefully perfected.

Then I pushed myself into her slowly, exhaling as our bodies linked. I shut him out, I shut out everything. Only concentrating on the task at hand, on my distraction. Deeply pushing myself in and out of her as she sat back letting me.

Don't think of him Liam.

I was giving it to her and she was taking it all away. I bashed myself against her walls as she gripped me tightly, barely touched before but so willing to push through just for me even though I was fully aware the whole encounter was uncomfortable and lacked passion or intimacy.

In out. In out.

Her hands didn't move, I didn't need to worry. She knew not to touch me. I just focused on building myself up, forgetting. Letting all of my sickening emotions pour into her. Erasing his face from my ugly mind, taking his hands off me and locking myself away in her, even if only for the shortest time.

Keep your mind only on her.

In out. In out. In out. Getting the job done.

"Stop." Her hands found my chest and the darkness overtook. My body froze at her request and only then I noticed the hurt in her eyes.

What had I done?

"What?" I asked feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

"I said stop." Her tone was stern, sure of herself. I pulled out of her gently, listening as she winced with my dismounting. I lowered her down to the floor, stepping away to give her the space she needed to compose herself. She fixed her skirt straight and I watched her as tsunami of guilt washed over me for the cold encounter I just put her through.

Was it consensual?

Did I force her?

Was I as bad as him?

She stared at me blankly as if she no longer recognized me and for the first time in the whole time I've known Liv she looked at me, with judgement. I felt like my heart was getting crushed by a ten tonne weight and the tears gathered behind my eyes.

That was it, the moment I have expected for the longest time. She unraveled my true character. Seen me for who I really am. Seen me the same way I see myself.

I am a monster.

"I gotta go." I told her, not wanting to see the look on her face any longer. I couldn't. There was no coming back from this.