BAD BOY SAVED (male pov)

Statement

I thought about changing my mind on this a billion times, maybe even more. The building before me was the most intimidating building that I had ever laid eyes on. Yet it was just a simple brick building with cop cars stationary out front.

I watched from across the street as people entered the building, telling myself I was going to be the next one through the doors but my feet felt far too heavy to lift whenever I tried.

"Don't leave me, okay?" I knew she wouldn't but I needed the reassurance anyway. She nodded her head in agreement and I took a deep breath before finally plucking up enough courage to move forward with my plan.

Every step towards the building echoed the pounding of my heart. It was like a bass drum banging inside a tin can. I could feel the vibration of those heavy thuds through my whole body and it wasn't pleasant, in fact it almost hurt.

As we opened the door it triggered an electric buzzer and silently I told myself that soon enough I would hear that electric buzzer again, only next time it would be on the way out. Triggering that sound again was my goal, it would mean that I had done my part and now it was left to the cops to their job.

I held onto Olivia hand with my dear life as we approached the reception desk. A lady smiled at us politely but I didn't have enough courage or strength to smile back. I felt like my insides were falling apart, like jelly.

"Hi, Can I help you?" She asked kindly.

Your turn to speak Liam.

I tried to make words fall from my lips but they were held on by a bungee cord apparently. Instead I ended up rubbing my sweaty hand on the back of my neck

I can't do this.

The officer was staring at me, watching how unsettled I was just to be here. She didn't try to rush the words but I could see her confusion by my lack of ability to converse. Her eyes darted towards Olivia, silently asking her what was going on but Olivia didn't say anything, she knew this was something I had to do because if I couldn't even get my words out to the receptionist there was no way I could recall my statements.

"I..." I finally manage to claw out. My tongue felt heavy and thick, too big for my mouth. My vocabulary was non existent. "I want... um..." I pushed through.

I could feel myself choking on the fear that lingered within. Everything was turning into darkness. My whole body trembled and the skin around my rib cage was starting to ache with the strenuousness breaths that I was making. They were losing me. I was disappearing into the dark thoughts of my mind and naturally, like at any moment my world goes dark I searched for my light.

In that moment she sensed I needed her and her grip around my hand tightened, ensuring me that she was here. Her head nodded ever so slightly at me, telling that she had confidence in me that I could it. So I turned back to the officer and inhaled a shaky breath.

"I want to make a statement about the abuse that I have endured." I spoke fast, not wanting to pause and think about what I was really saying, what I was really doing. I didn't want to think at all.

"I'll have an officer see to you shortly, please take a seat over there." She pointed to some chairs across the room and with heavy footsteps I took a seat.

It was those few moments I had no choice but to think. Think of everything I really didn't want to think of. His hands were all over me, his breath was next to my ear. I could feel and hear it. It was hot and putrid. His cologne clung to the back of my throat, it made me want to cough and splutter.

I stood up and filled a small plastic cup with ice cold water from the water cooler. I didn't drink it, I just held in my hand. Small splatters gathered on the surface because I couldn't keep my hand still enough so I placed the cup back down on the floor. With my growing nerves I couldn't decide if I should lean forward, lean back, stand or sit.

I could see his eyes peering at me, they were brown and soulless with a laser-like focus. I have never come across beady eyes as cruel and as sardonic as his. I closed my eyes, trying to erase his face from my mind but I could only see him even more clearly.

"I don't know if I can do this." I admitted. I looked to the floor, focusing on the barely noticeable small braid pattern on my white shoelaces. I tried to count the lines I could see, anything to take my mind away from what was going on.

"Liam, you've already come so far. I'm so proud of you. If you want to turn back now I'll support that, you have to do it when you feel ready." My face rose immediately to see her.

Don't give me a way out Liv, I'll take it.

"He's a school teacher Liv." I might be talking in her direction but I was really reminding myself of the facts. The reason why backing out isn't an option anymore.

Before I could truly talk myself out of it a male officer approached us. "Hi, you are here to put a statement in? Right this way."

Shit.

I couldn't stand. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe.

Get the fuck up Liam.

Get up!

Come on!

I closed my eyes slowly, praying this was going to be okay and when I reopened them again I found the balance on my own two feet. We ended up in an interrogation room, the officer placed a whole pile of empty statement papers in front of me and a jug of water. He rattled off words but my ears burnt and I didn't take in a single thing he said. After not too many moments he disappeared leaving Liv and I alone with my confessions.

I do this then I can trigger that electronic bell again.

I do this, then we can leave.

I picked up the pen, it felt extremely alien between my fingers, like a dead weight of the heaviest kind.

She's going to know everything.

"You are going to know all of the things that he has ever done to me in detail, why do I feel ashamed about that?" A small gasp fell from her parted lips and her eyes clouded with sympathy. For a second I thought she might have been a little hurt by my submission and I felt sad because I never wanted to hurt her, ever.

"Oh Liam, please don't feel ashamed. I am not going to look at you any differently, you will still be the bravest, strongest person that I know. The only way to be released from the shame is by talking about it and recognizing that other people don't see you the way you see yourself."

I nodded my head at her kind words and turned back to the blank paper.

This is it Liam, time to relive it all for the last time.

Only then you can be free.