Wish You Well

26

As the week went on and we prepped our set list for the following weekend. We were getting nervous and excited like usual. I made sure to take the weekend off, and my parents were more than happy to give it to me.

At this point they knew how exhausted I'd be after a show and they already told me I work too hard. Which of course I laughed off. They needed the help and it's not like things were busy there. They were bidding on a new project and I hoped that work would pick up.

I started sleeping at Bakugou's regularly. It was nice. We had a sort of system in place already. I always got up before him and almost always had something I was working on late. My brain never wanted to shut off anymore. I didn't know why. I thought maybe it was because things were going well and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Bakugou was his usual cranky self, he cooked dinner, and I sometimes read or worked on sings while he was studying or doing homework. It was nice. Being in the same room together, but doing different things. Bakugou tried not to bother me about lyrics. He knew I'd show them to him when songs were done.

On the night before our show he asked, "How many songs have you started in your little lyric book, but not finished?"

I giggled nervously and said, "Ah probably like four or five. I have parts written down, but the other stuff that comes to me just doesn't fit in the song. So it becomes another. It kind of snowballs sometimes."

"You know I'm more than happy to help you work on those."

"I know, it's just that I'm a perfectionist when it comes to these songs and you're a perfectionist too. I feel like maybe if something's started we'll butt heads. But I do want to write something with you, sometime when you're not so busy so maybe on break?"

"Tch. You're so weird. That does sound nice though."

"I know I'm weird, but you like it." I stick my tongue out at him. "Plus I know it's silly, but these are personal, until I finish them, you know?"

"I guess. I don't write much so our experiences are different."

"But I bet you're amazing at it, because you're annoyingly amazing at everything you do."

"Damn right I am!"

We both started laughing.

"Have you written anything about me?"

"Maybe..."

"When did you start them?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I don't want to have any songs you do write about me being secondhand Deku shit!"

"Ah." Was all I said. I didn't want to start another argument. I'd said my piece. He needed to get it into his thick skull I wanted him. I'd thought being here was enough, but maybe it really wasn't.

"Why won't you answer my question?"

"Bakugou, you should know damn well by now that anything I write or have written recently has not been about Deku. I'm so tired of this obsession of yours! I didn't want to fight, you said you understood, you said you believed me. Were you just lying to placate me? Has all of this stuff recently not been sincere?"

"Tch. I did believe you, but you won't answer my damn question Ochako! What am I supposed to believe?"

"Believe that I've been telling you the truth literally every time we talk about him. If I write something I hate that you keep questioning when I wrote it. Can't you just believe you're good enough? It's like you talk such a big game, but there's something there that's insecure that you just can't let go of and it is not attractive!"

"If you don't think what I do is 'attractive' why are you here with me huh?!"

"Because I like you! I fucking like you a lot! But you make it so difficult to like you!" I stated, packing up my things so I could storm out of the apartment. He's so infuriating and I don't want to be around it tonight.

"So you're just going to leave?"

"For tonight, yes. I'm so mad at you right now that I just need to walk home and clear my head. I'll see you tomorrow!" I yelled and stormed out of the room.

He cursed under his breath and started following me. "Ochako wait!"

"Why? So you can just yell at me more? Maybe tell me that everything I've done since we met was actually a secret ploy to get Deku back or some nonsense?" I reeled on him.

"No! Please, I'm sorry! I, fuck, I don't know why I'm like this. Deku's always been in my shadow, but at some point he got ahead of me. He even had you first..." He started.

My anger diminished seeing him like that. Vulnerable and maybe trying to open up. I stopped trying to leave. I turned around and hugged him.

"Just because he had me first doesn't mean anything. Remember Bakugou I'm a person, not a toy. It doesn't matter when you got me. What matters is I'm here now."

He hugged back. "Stay please. I'm really sorry."

"Start acting like it then and stop lashing out at me like I'm Deku and I've don't something wrong. Because I haven't. I'll stay, but think about this okay?" I ended the hug and looked at him.

He nodded. So we returned to his room. We both took some calming breaths and stopped talking about it. But was it really over? Did I actually get through to him? My life doesn't revolve around Deku. I wish he'd believe me.

We went to bed earlier than usual. Not in the mood to do anything else. Our arguments were exhausting sometimes and I thought maybe sleeping would help. After all the brain processes problem while you sleep in its own weird way.

That night I had a nightmare about Bakugou and I breaking up. It shook me and I woke up in tears. Seeing him next to me sound asleep, calmed me enough to go back to sleep. Ther rest of the night I didn't dream about anything, at least not that I could remember.