Knock, Knock

Twenty-eight

Casey

Once I had woken up, I couldn't got back to sleep. Not with Kathryn Howard in my bed. But not only that, this was only a twin size bed, so we were really close. I watch in silence as the woman inhales before exhaling. Her lips part slightly when she breathes out. I smile and use my index finger to poke her bottom lip. I bite down on my own as I lean in closer.

Before I could kiss her, I pull away. What the hell was I doing? I shake my head and force myself from the bed. I head out the room, smelling food. I smile and go towards the kitchen, surprised to see my mother there instead of my dad. I didn't want to stay and make things awkward so early in the morning but the moment I turned on my heel she spots me.

"Casey dear, come eat. Will your friend be joining us?" 

I shake my head and take a seat at the table. My mom had been acting weird all week and I didn't know why. But the question was did I want to know? Honestly, I didn't. She set a plate of food down in front of me then sat across from me with her own plate. 

I clench my jaw and eye her cautiously before eating. 

"Isn't that woman your next door neighbor?" she questions with a mouth full of toast. I roll my eyes, "Yeah, what about it?"

Her brown eyes meet mine. She searches mine before glancing down to her food. "She's pretty." Okay, she was acting really strange. I don't say anything as I stuff eggs into my mouth. The tension from many years of religious abuse was beginning to suffocate me. I wanted nothing more than to take my food in my room.

My knee bounces up and down as I force my eyes away from  my mother. "Do you like her?"

"What does it matter to you? Aren't you just going to tell me that I'm going to hell like you always do?" I spit. I bite down on my tongue feeling slightly bad for the way I snapped at her. But I was done with her bullshit. I'd taken it for years, if she wasn't going to accept me then what was the point?

She eyes me sadly and sets down her silverware. "No, I was going to say... I think she likes you too. I can see it in her eyes."

I'm taken back by her answer. So much so I nearly choke on my food. I swallow harshly and glance around before my eyes land on her. "What?" She smiles and wipes her lips, "I.. When I visited the last time your words seemed to hit harder. I didn't know that I was being such a bad mother. I thought that because the bible is God's word that you should follow it. I didn't care about your happiness and that put a damper on our relationship and caused you to see religion differently."

What was happening? 

"I know apologizing isn't going to take back the last few years but I figured I should start somewhere. Casey, I support you and your decisions and I want you to be happy. I support you if you like women. I support you if you don't. I support you if you want to change genders, even though that's a bit much for me to handle. I want to be back in your life as your mother not some woman you knew. Casey I love you."

Hot tears were running down my face as I listened to her words. There were so many emotions running through my mind as I eye the woman in front of me. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad or mad that it took her so long to say this. 

She stood from her chair with a wide smile. I watched as she stopped next to me, her thumbs wiping away my tears. I could see it in her eyes that she meant every word she said. Without much thought my arms wrap around her as I let go of all the pain and trauma I experienced. "Yeah hun, let it all out. Mama's here now."

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Kathryn