The Price of Freedom

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Nightmares were no longer Farrah's biggest problem, nor were leviathans.

Now her problems were purely domestic.

Dean had tried to apologize to her, but it had fallen on deaf ears. Yet she continued to hang around, try to help out on hunts or something, since she knew that she didn't have anywhere else to go.

She and Castiel were closer than ever before. When she spoke to him, unlike Dean or Sam or even Bobby, he tried to understand. He attempted to console her and give her comfort. She was growing to rely on him.

At night when her nightmares were so bad she could hardly stand them, she would call to him. Tonight was one of those nights. Castiel. That was all she needed to say.

He appeared and pulled off his coat to lay across her shivering form on the couch. "Why are you not in bed?" he asked quietly.

"Thought I'd try to relax before bothering you."

"Your calls do not bother me. If it was for a more pleasant reason, I would enjoy them even." He sat beside her and she cuddled into his side, like she usually did. He laid his arm over her shoulders and leaned his cheek down to rest on top of her head. She'd told him that the closer he was, the more calm she felt.

"Thank you." She sighed and closed her eyes.

"What's troubling you tonight?"

With a shudder, she responded, "Just the usual. Dad...Sam...Charlie. Everyone."

"Even me?"

She chuckled. "No. Everyone but you. I know you would never say those things." Freak, monster. She shuddered again at the memory.

"Are you still cold?" he asked.

"No. I'm okay. How are you? I know heaven's been in an uproar since Gabe died." Gabriel had been leader of heaven since Castiel had killed Bartholomew all those years ago, but in the months since their return, it had been revealed that someone had killed Gabriel, or he had gone into hiding, since no one had seen a body.

"I have been better. My brothers and sisters all look to me to lead them, but if they knew I...I was so close with you, then they would eject me from heaven."

"I know. If Crowley was telling the truth, then I was born to be a weapon of hell, worse than the Knights. The angels have a right to be afraid of me. I don't blame them."

"They have accepted Philip because of Esther. I may only have to assert myself as the...ruler of heaven to get them to accept you as well."

"Be careful. Please, don't do anything to put yourself in trouble. I can just stay out of heaven, out of the angels' way. It's okay, really."

"They make you feel unimportant. I will not tolerate that." His hand clenched, as if the thought itself was infuriating.

"Thanks. But why?"

"Why?" he asked curiously, gazing down at her.

"Why do you care so much? I mean, sure I'm Dean's daughter and one of two angel-demon hybrids, but the latter's more of a reason for you to stay away from me. So why do you care about me?" Her face burned at the question, but truly, she was curious.

"I'm not sure. There are many things I enjoy about you, Farrah. It is difficult to put into words."

"Can you try?"

He took a deep breath. Well, she was asking. Smiling softly, he started, "You were so innocent when we first met; you seemed so fragile. But you have always been much stronger than you look. You love your family, even when they do not seem to return it. I believe that is something you inherited from Dean. You are very kind, very gentle, but you can still protect yourself and the ones you love. You are very selfless, and just as cocky as your father, but when you sass, it is pleasant. You do not spout inappropriate comments or constantly ask for things. It was a refreshing change from other humans, which was what caught my attention to begin with. But I have seen loneliness in the same eyes that show love, and it made me upset to think someone had caused that. When you are with your family, I don't see it. Now that I think about it, I didn't see that look while we were away either."

She smiled a bit. "I wasn't lonely, that's why. I missed Dad and Sam, but I wasn't lonely. I have you to thank for that."

"Who do you consider me? Your family is only Sam and Dean, despite what you have told me."

She thought for a minute. "You, Castiel?" He smiled when she said his name. "I don't know. It's strange. I think I know, but then it just disappears because I know I'm not...well, not...I'm not good."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "I know you don't consider me a monster, but I know I'm not normal. Angels can be, are, normal. Shape-shifters, demons, vampires, werewolves. In this world, they're all normal. But me...I'm not. I never have been, and I never will be. And if being a hunter has taught me anything, it's that sometimes things are rare and nearly extinct for a reason. Sometimes...it's because they deserve to be. The ones who still live are mistakes."

"You are no mistake, nor a monster. Farrah, you are special. I want you to be happy, to have the life you want, to be who you want. And I know you desire those things as well. Monsters define themselves by what and who they kill. You do not."

"Thanks." She sat up and started to move away, uncomfortable with the topic. Castiel stood as she gripped his coat around her shoulders to keep it from slipping off.

"Have I offended you?" he asked.

"No. I just need some rest before I can really think about what we're talking about."

He nodded. "I understand." She handed back his coat and felt the cold night air nip at her skin. As their hands brushed during the hand-off, she smiled. He caught it and walked nearer to her, gentle enough that she barely felt him touching her. "I love you, Farrah. Please believe I would do anything for you, and that I am never bothered by your calls. If heaven were not in such chaos, I would like to stay here."

She smiled, nearly giddy at his confession. "I love you too, Castiel. Goodnight. And be careful; please do not stick your neck out for me." He nodded and vanished.