An Imperial Affliction

Chapter 34- Insanity

There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.

-Patrick Rothfuss

Helplessness is a shitty feeling.

Couple it with empathy and it's a deadly combination. Or maybe its sympathy, or whatever it is that makes one acutely aware of someone else's suffering, almost feeling every one of those emotion that someone might be feeling at any given time. Or maybe no word has been made up to sum that feeling up.

Arjun was not a person with a large vocabulary. He prefers action to words, always had. One of the reason he was in this career is because in early in his life, he realized words are empty. Politicians with their promises of rosy future had no meaning. If we want things to change, we might as well do something about it.

He was 12, and like every Sunday morning he had arrived at the beach with his grandfather to stroll in the shores. But that Sunday was different. His grandpa's feet had abruptly stopped, and when he raised his face to look at the old man, his face was white as sheet.

As white as the actual sheet draped over the dead body of a teenage girl they had found and informed the police about. On the ride back home, he didn't say a word. But in evening, he did hear his grandpa and parents talking about worsening crime records in city, while his Mother complained how a public place like Beach is not safe for anyone.

That incident left a permanent mark in his soul.

So he preferred to do something, a small insignificant part in the large working of Universe to make sure people were safe, that those who were wronged get justice. That was the reason once upon a time he had jumped upon a criminal from a two storied building, stopping him from getaway.

But he is also a protective person. Before diving head first into things, he always makes sure his team remains safe. As safe they could be in their course of work.

His usual way of life changed when she arrived. If he comes to think of it, every one of their lives did. She was an enigma. Her silence spoke louder than her actual words. When she shared bits of her life, it increased more curiosity than filling the gap of questions. He was so used to people listening to him, because he was the damn leader and authority only second to Director. She not only mocked it, but challenged him in every step, blatantly disregarding any authority she ever came across. When he screamed, she used her quiet angry voice, when he pushed, she pushed right back, when he asked her questions, she would say 'None of your business' right on his face. She was not someone who took anything without asking Why.

But she was a paradox in her own. For all her straightforwardness, her demeanor held secrets. Her eyes mocked the world, cynical in everything, but anything wrong and it bothered her. She didn't care for anyone, but she had a fierce protectiveness for her team. She was a strong woman, physically and verbally able to hold her own, her emotions never slipping to show her vulnerability, but the same woman listened to his ideals which were idiotic the way she sees the world without mocking him for it.

He was never good at words, but most of time he said her something, he always left them ambiguous. Let her interpret them the way she wants to. He doesn't know if she twisted them somehow or slowly started to see the world like he did.

Which was impossible, really. He didn't leave his family behind and stayed in a city full of stranger. He didn't resign when his lover died so that he can embark on a journey to avenge her. Neither did he stay in a place filled with criminals so that he can recruit people to give him information. From bits and pieces she told them, which felt like a lifetime ago, he came to realize the stubborn, sassy creature is not someone who is overly arrogant of her skills, however right that will be. It's because she has seen too much and lost her faith in a lot of things.