Three Seconds ✔

31

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"Birthday ni Frency bukas, dapat nandoon ka!" Lowelyn says and looks at me for a long moment, probably gauging my reaction. And as what I should, I smile sincerely and nod.

"Pupunta ka?" she asks again, confusion visible in her voice. We haven't met for years, and so I can't deny the fact that I missed them to the core. However, I am already an intern in a Publishing Company, and it is my job to send two manuscripts in just one week. I just can't enjoy knowing I still have ongoing works.

"Miss ko na kayo," I whisper sadly. Even though I am finally here in province for good, it still feels like there's still a long distance between me and my friends. And it isn't good. It isn't good for I am only focusing in my work.

Yesterday, my father called me and asked for a favor for me to go back here. And regardless this place reminds me about my terrifying memories, I didn't have the choice but to help him managing our rice field and farm.

When I was in my elementary days, I was filled with love from my mother, but when she went gone, my world went in turmoil. By that, I hated my dad, I loathed him to the core that I wished him dead. But everything became complicated the moment truth made me realize how fool I was for hating him like that.

And now, I am here in my hometown, conquering my fears, putting my heart in line.

Truth to be said, I unwillingly came here. I don't want to live here for this place is the reason why I am feeling empty. The reason why I feel like I am an empty shell desperately facing her nightmares.

"Miss ka na rin namin, 'no! Ilang taon kaya kang wala rito! Tapos 'di mo pa kami kinausap!" says Lowelyn. With that said, she bows down her head as if she remembers something crucial... And painful.

No.. Please.

"Marynald, alam mo namang magkaibigan sila ni Frency at Joyce," she tells me, still examining my reaction, but I can't nod anymore. "Alam mo naman na naging magkaibigan din kami. Hindi ka namin gustong masaktan, pero sa tingin ko ay kailangan mo na siyang harapin."

I look away as fast as I should. I can't be mad at her words because I know she has a point, but no matter how hard I try to forget, I always ended up hurting and blaming myself again. I know this isn't normal because I have been carrying such a big pain since...

Maybe it's time to let go, right? Maybe it's time to accept my past. Maybe it's time to move on?

"Kaya mo 'yan," Lowelyn assures and pulls me in for a hug. I don't know what happened but I suddenly burst into tears, silently blaming and loathing myself again. "Kung nakayanan mo ngang kalimutan siya sa mga taon na wala ka rito, kakayanin mo rin ngayon," she whispers again. And I am taken aback when she cries silently, but I don't have any strength to mutter some words.

He is the reason why I left this place, and it is painful to the core knowing I am about to meet him again, that I must meet him again. I should be grateful, I remind myself. Because I can finally have the chance to say my apologies for my unspeakable actions years ago.

A minutes later, I finally see myself drastically begging for his forgiveness. Thank, God, for I finally see myself desperately wanting to feel his embrace. This must be the right time to let go all my hidden emotions because they are being chained in my heart for a long time, making me live like a lifeless empty shell.

Sabay kaming pumunta sa bagay nina Frency. Kaagad akong pumunta sa kusina para room magpalipas ng bigat ng pakiramdam. I keep on telling myself that I must stay calm. I should not let them see my pain. Kahit masakit, sosolohin ko na lang muna.