hating me for loving you {h.s}

Chapter 9.

A/N:

The italics in this chapter are based on flashbacks, not the song. Play the song when the flashback starts! Also, the flashback is in Phoebe's POV because I'm stupid and didn't do it correctly, but I don't care;)!

Trigger warning for SH. I'm sorry for anyone who's gone through this, I'm here for you and as well as others. You deserve to live, you're worthy.

*HARRY'S POV*

I haven't seen Phoebe this happy in so long, and it does more than warm my heart. I can't describe the feeling it gives me, but I never want it to go away.

My heart beat so fast when she saw Ashlyn, and when she started crying, I knew I did something. And before we left, how she came into my room just to make time for me before we all left together... I just...

I'd be crazy not to like her.

I never really thought about it before, only because she never brought anything up, so I just avoided the topic all together. But, something must've clicked when we got here, because she all of a sudden liked it.

She liked when I kissed her neck, she just had to pull away because I know deep down she's scared and anxious. She liked when I placed my hand on her thigh, inching high enough to feel the warmth arouse all over her body... I know she liked it, she's just too afraid to admit it.

It brings me a little bit of sadness to know that she gets anxious when thinking about the topic of us, but I know it's not her fault whatsoever. Phoebe can't control what makes her anxious and what makes her happy, it's not her fault. But, it still does hurt me a little.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to be hurt by the subject, only because I haven't ever opened up about it. I haven't shown signs until recently, I just don't wanna move too fast.

That's been in my past relationships, I moved too fast because I was caught in the dream of it all, caught in the good and not the bad. All the bad signs turned into good ones because I fell so head over heels.

I don't wanna do that with P, but I've always known in the back of my mind that we were meant to be more than friends.

The first time I ever helped her with her mental problems was in 8th grade, and it was when I was unaware. I didn't even know I was helping her, but I'm glad I did in the first place. It was hard when I left for the band in grade 11, but I managed to call her every second I got to give her happiness.

He's not picking up his phone, I need him to answer.

Harry, please answer. And after two rings of the third call, he picked up the phone.

"Hey, P." He said enthusiastically, but I'm the furthest from it.

"Can you please c-come over?.." I tried to ask as I choked up, looking at my other hand as I'm already confused as to why I want it in my palm.

"Of course. Are you okay, Pheebs?" He asked innocently through the phone, I could hear him shuffling around for his shoes. He always loses his damn shoes. That makes me laugh, I need to think about happy and funny things.

It'll make me not want to hold onto this sharp object anymore.

"Please.. Hurry." I sobbed, not being able to hold anything in anymore. I heard him ask Anne if he could bike here, to which she responded with a short 'yes.'

"I'm coming, love. I'm on my way." He said softly through the other line, making my breath steady.

"Okay... Thank you." I replied, my shaking breath turning into something steady, counting to distract myself from having an anxiety attack.