hating me for loving you {h.s}

Chapter 29.

HARRY'S POV:

I don't really know what came over me to want to bust out all of Phoebe's songs since Jamaica, but it felt like the right thing to do at this moment. I feel like it's something I need to do for myself, but I know she needs to do it for herself too.

She's written down so many feelings, covering them up with beautiful melodies, and maybe reliving those memories by looking at the lyrics can help her come to terms of when she really thought of the moment she loved me.

She loves me. Phoebe loves me... what the fuck?

I didn't think going to her house last night would result in the conversation that came out of it, but nothing better could've happened and I'm so fucking over the moon about the words we spoke to one another.

Just the fact that she said it first, it was like a crazy train inside my head at the moment. I knew I loved her, I just never knew when to say it cause I didn't want that to push her away or some stupid, insecure shit like that.

I was just trying to be careful because I can't lose her.

Our friendship still shines through with whatever romantic relationship we have at the moment, and I'd do anything to keep the friendship aspect of it still here. She's my best friend, that comes before anything.

I didn't wanna jeopardize that, and I didn't wanna be the one to do so.

I wouldn't want her to have that blood on her hands either, so it was a safe option for both of us to verbally keep our romantic feelings to ourselves. Sure, I would've still chosen to express them to her in the ways I have been, I just didn't wanna say the words and push her away.

We're both sitting on her bedroom floor, going through her songwriting book, picking out all of the songs she's written since we arrived in Jamaica around three months ago now.

  I can't even comprehend that it's been almost three months, it feels like fucking yesterday.

That's the first time we ever kissed, god I remember that night like it was last night. The way I felt when we kissed, it felt like her fingertips were engraved inside my body, heating up from the inside out.

It felt so fucking electrifying. She feels electrifying.

That same night we got pretty into it, nothing has ever felt so good. I knew then and still know now that I'm so in love with her, I'm just scared of feeling that again and I know she is too, but if she had the courage to tell me, I should too.

"Hey, can you take a break for just a second...C'mere." I looked into her eyes, I'd never get sick of that feeling of when I do, patting my thigh to let her know where to sit.

I wanted to feel her on me.

I wouldn't say they're butterflies, because sometimes to me that means that you're nervous, and I don't wanna be nervous around her, I'm just happy, it's just like my stomach is applauding me for being comfortable around her.

She put the book down right away, I could tell that looking through all these songs, even just to find them was tiring for her, I didn't wanna do that to her.

It's around three in the morning now, we've been up for a few hours just talking and loving on one another, everything just feels so good with her.

Phoebe shifted herself onto my lap, wrapping her legs around my hips like she'd done a few hours ago on the couch, my hands overlapping on the small parts of her back.

I softly guided my hands down to her hips and back up, keeping my movements subtle but just enough to where they comfort her.

"What'd you need, hm?" She tilted her head to the side, that subtle movement alwasy makes my heart fucking race.