hating me for loving you {h.s}

Chapter 16.

*PHOEBE'S POV*

  What the fuck just happened?

  How is Harry in my bed, sleeping, after all of this just happened? How's he even sleeping? I can't fucking sleep, so how can he?

  The shock hasn't gone away. The sweat hasn't disappeared. The feeling of his lips and hands all over my body haven't disappeared. Have mine disappeared on his?

  I hope not.

  He's tucked into my neck per usual, becoming the biggest teddy bear when he gets tired. Harry's all tough and dominant, but when it's done his whole demeanor changes, and I love it.

  I love playing with his long hair, I know it helps him fall asleep faster. I love how he always needs to have his hand connected with my waist, it seems as if he thinks it protects him. Tonight he put it up in a soft, messy bun to sleep in, which was the cutest thing I think I've ever seen. It's all frizzy now, but I love it even more.

  And that's also the other reason I'm not asleep... He still hasn't talked to me about the nightmare, and he knows he's not getting away with it.

  I know he didn't kiss me as a distraction, he wouldn't do that, especially if he stopped me mid-kiss to ask me if it was okay to do so. I know he wants to tell me, it's just eating him alive every second he doesn't spit it out.

  He wants to sleep the pain away, I get it. But avoiding the problem, especially with me, isn't gonna make anything better.

  I just wish he wasn't scared.

  Watching him be in so much agony due to this subject is hurting me, and I think he finally figured it out. I don't wanna pry it out of him, but he can't keep holding back from me.

  That's not what best friends do.

  But best friends don't kiss either, so what the fuck is going on here?

  I still can't believe that happened.

  Laying with my eyes open to the ceiling for hours on end isn't helping one bit, but I don't wanna fall asleep. I feel like if I fall asleep, that every kiss he gave me tonight, every loving touch, it'll just go away.

  And I don't want it to go, and I for sure don't want him too either.

  His touch, the feel of his lips on mine and all over my skin, he's found a way to get under it, to the point where I never want it to stop. He's got me wrapped around his little fingers, and I'm glad.

  I never wanna be tangled with anyone else's.

  And I hope it goes the same way for him.

  I don't know why I doubt so much when all he's been showing me tonight is that he wants the same things I do. Maybe it's because he couldn't admit it at first, but he knew he'd give in at some point. A part of me still might think that he's unsure, but fuck, that's not how he was acting two hours ago.

  Yes, I've been sitting here for two hours.

  Waking him up just to talk about this would benefit me, but not him. I don't wanna invade his sleepy time, but it should come out sooner or later.

  He looks so cozy, though. He has the comforter over his shoulders, his bare stomach resting by my waist. He only wore sweatpants in here, and that's exactly what he fell asleep in.

  I ended up putting on one of Harry's shirts, knowing it'd be oversized and just how liked it, and it also smelt like them. I'm too scared and nervous to wear not pants, so I kept his pair of sweats on me too.