ᴜɴᴅᴏɴᴇ | ᴅ.ᴍ

𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍

ISN'T it so frustrating when you want to have a pity party, be sad, and lay in bed all day, but you can't. You just can't. You've got to get up, you have things to do, things that probably don't even matter, but it's necessary. You have to force yourself to get up and the pity party never comes.

Books. Those were my escape from reality growing up, you are living a whole different reality in your head. It's intriguing, and it's fun until it's not, until you realize that none of it's realized, and it's just words on these pages. They say it doesn't hurt to dream. Liars.

Being caught in a whirlwind of emotions and dancing on clouds of warmth and ecstasy. Fingers intertwined together like matching puzzle pieces. Eyes light up in brilliant starlight, looking up at the enchanting than that lights up the night sky. Arms are safer than any authority's weapon.

Then you wake up to realize that protection isn't there, the perfect puzzle piece, the starlights, and the love you felt. Love is a whirlwind of warmth and cold at the same time, feeling so safe but also not being afraid of the unknown that is to come. Love is like walking on the edge of a building rooftop and not afraid of falling because you know that they're there. Love is like looking at them, seeing their imperfections, and falling in love with them to feel the perfection of it. I envy people who don't know how it feels to miss someone who doesn't exist, it's a feeling of emptiness.

It's like mourning the loss of no one.

It's like a type of heartbreak that not a lot of people will experience. I hope they never do because it isn't pleasant. The feeling of loving someone, wanting to know their secrets. I wonder how their skin would feel like on yours, how their breath would feel on your bare neck. How do you feel when they intertwine their fingers with yours. But once you snap back to reality, none of that was real. It never existed, it was all in your head. It was all a game in your head, leaving you empty and emotionless.

But those were just book characters, so why did it hurt so much?

In my head I just think to myself that maybe, just maybe it hurt so damn much because that's all I've ever wanted, to feel loved, to feel someone's hand hold my face as they express their love for me. To feel affection and a connection that starts as imperfections. You ask why? I want someone to fall in love with my imperfections because that's what makes a person so clear and pulling.

You understand those deep parts of them to realize why they are the way they are, also the fact that maybe not all ruthless, cold people are evil, maybe they're just hurt?

I headed down towards the common room, as my stomach growled out of immense hunger. I rubbed my forehead to release the pain from the huge headache I had. I didn't even drink that much, so it was concerning how much my head hurt. I don't even remember what time of day it was as I just felt the bright sunlight hit upon my eyes from the huge glass window in the common room.

I looked up as I saw Malfoy heading down from the boy's dormitory in a plain white shirt and black sweats. That's when the reality of all my memories came flooding back to my head as I remembered what the fuck we had done the previous night as my eyes strolled to the couch and how caught up we were at the moment. Fuck.