Is death really the answer (calum hood fanfiction)

Pain never fades away no matter what you do

Calum's POV
I hold lola in my hands trying to keep her awake. I don't know what happened. I just heard a bang and looked up to see lola. I Run over to her. As I heard the ambulance coming down the road Lola's eyes began to roll to the back of her head. When I saw her laying there like that I completely broke down. What would I do if she left forever along with Lily. I don think I could survive. The paramedics ran into my house getting lola and putting her on a stretcher and lift her up into the ambulance." only one person can go in with her. I advise a parent or sibling or a family member" a paramedic said to us. I look at Lily and Michael. Lola's parents are dead and she is an only child and I don't think she has any relatives." Cal go with her your the closest she's got to family" Lily give a reassuring smile. I nod and I'm about to get in but the paramedic stops me."who are you? Are you her brother?cousin?who?" He asked looking me up and down.creep haha." I I I'm her boyfriend" I stutter trying to get the courage to speak up. The paramedic nodded and I jump into the seat right beside where lola laid. I grab her hand and intertwine it with mine." Please don't die on me baby. I love you" I whisper into her hair. Hot tears running down my face as I hold her hand. We soon arrive at the hospital and lola is rushed off. I try to stay right beside her. She gets whizzed into a room and the paramedic I spoke to earlier puts his hand in front of me blocking my way through."im sorry you can't go in they're going to run a few tests on her and she need rest." He says I walk down the hall with him." Will you let me know when she wakes. Is she going to be okay or is she gonna d d die" I chock up. I take a seat. I can see Lily and Michael in the distance coming towards us.
" I will let you know when she wakes" he said "if she even wakes" he mutters quietly probably not wanting me to hear that.
My eyes widen in shock at what he said tears begin to fall again.
" she will hopefully survive but there's a 80% chance she will die and 20% she will live." He says looking at me with sympathy.
By now Lily and Michael were sitting beside me. Tears I. There eyes also. There was a nurse who just came up to the paramedic and whispered something to him while he nodded.
After she leaves he begins to tell us what happened.
" Okay nurse rose just told me that they did a test and found out what has happened to lola that caused her to black out."
He says as we urge him to continue
" lola cuts does she or does she not" he said it more as a statement then a question.
" She did but she ended up in hospital over it and lost alot of blood. She stoped cutting she has been clean for awhile" I say with confidence knowing lola stopped.
" Unfortunately she wasn't clean I'm guessing you don't know this but when they were doing test they came up on cuts that were made very recently on the thighs. She did it in away that it would be covered either by shorts or jeans so no one could see them. When she went to your house something happened I'm guessing because her mind became stressed and the pants she had on her where to tight. So what the nurses think happened was so was in a rush and threw on the first thing she saw she in such a rush her brain and body never released how tight the pants were when she reached the house and something happened causing her mind to become stressed her brain didn't have enough time to release that the circulation to her legs was cut off causing her to fall hitting her head hard off the corner of something sharp before hitting her head hard off the ground. She then blacked out caused by loss of circulation which unfortunately has put her into a coma ." The paramedic finished. We all look at him with disbelief and than began to cry. A million things whizzing through my mind. What if she dosnt wake up. What will I do without her. " Calum come on we'll drop you home so you can get some stuff and then we'll come back over and bring you back here okay" Lily said pulling me into i hug. We walk off to the car. I sulkily sit in the back to miserable to talk. We all drive in silence in are own thoughts. They drop me off and leave to go pack their bags. I run inside everyone was out. I scream and shout and kick everything. After I let my steam out I pack a bag full of clothes. I was finished and waiting for Lily and Michael to come get me that text and said they be here in a few minutes. With the corner of my eye I saw the knife. I don't know should I do it.no I have never cut and never will no. I keep telling myself but my body isn't listening. I grab the knife and lightly stroke it over my skin. I didn't know how to do it. I drag it over my skin again but harder and deeper. I feel nothing no pain nothing I do it again and again still nothing happens. I do it once more but as I drag it across my skin I go over it as if I was cutting a slice of bread I go deeper. Finally I see red on my skin and scars start to appear but I still felt nothing I stare at them wanting to feel the pain wanting to know I can feel it after a minute it begins to sting and sting. It stings like hell now in away I'm happy to know I can feel it but also sore and disappointed that I did it. I break down cry I slide my back down the wall crying as I look at the scars that have now formed on my hand. Their was a knock at the door I quickly got up and ran to my wardrobe to grab a jumper to hide the scars I don't want to upset anyone more then they are with Lily leaving and lola in a comma. I wipe my tears away and grab my bag before running out the door into the car greeted by sad smiles from Lily and Michael. We drive to the hospital snd begin to walk to Lola's room. We walk in. There's a nurse in their, we saw her talk to the paramedic earlier rose I think her name was. " I'm sorry are all of you staying with miss waters because you can stay for awhile but only one can spend the night" she walks out and we all just stare at lola. I go and sit beside her I grab her hand and intertwine it with mine. Lily and Michael sit at the other side of her holding her hand. Soon Michael and Lily are told to leave because we decided I'd stay with her tonight. I say good bye to them and just continue to stare at lola rubbing my finger over her hand." I did it lola I'm sorry I cut after I heard that you were in a comma I just couldn't take it I'm sorry baby. I love you lola." I whisper to her. I began to hum a tune that just popped into my mind and then I thought of afew lyrics. I go to my bag and grab my notebook and pen. I always have my notebook with me because you never no when your gonna get insertion for a song. I start to write down the few lyrics I thought of.
" Oh the sun will rise
tomorrow never dies
It never dies
We're not done
Till we say it's over
We won't fade away
No the sun will rise
Tomorrow never dies"
I write as I think about how depressed I feel. I begin to write some more,(play song)
After I finish writing it I write the date and say : " this song is write for my girlfriend lola waters who is in a comma on the 9/February/2015
I put my book away and hum the song to lola as I cry and cry. I keep crying quietly to i eventually cry myself to sleep.
(A/n Ino it's only one page but I thought I'd give you a quick chapter to thank you for all the reads and votes love you guys xxx-hood_5000)