𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄, 𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐭

⋆⋅ thirty-nine ⋆⋅

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Chapter 39
╚═══*.·:·.★ ✦ ★･:･:*═══╝
Tw: slight suicidal thoughts woops

I slowly peeled open my eyes to see the dark sky and realized I wasn't reliving my memory anymore. Although as I glanced up, stars were spinning similar to that night, but I soon realized it was frozen flakes slowly coming down upon me.

"you've got to be kidding" I held out my hand to see multiple sprinkles of ice land on it. No wonder I was shivering, my sneakers were basically frozen to the ground. I rubbed my hands together to bring some warmth into them. Looking into the window of the gas station, I glanced at the clock on the wall and read the time. I had only spent 30 minutes outside. I shuddered and rubbed the side of my arms with my hands.

The snow was building up and sticking to the ground. Almost no car's were on the road since it was so hard to see. I took deep breathes, racking my lungs with the icy air. I had an extra dollar from the money the cashier gave me for sweeping, and I had barely eaten anything the past day. Lifting myself up off the concrete, I strayed inside.

The immediate warmth from the store was extremely welcoming. I quickly shook a couple snowflakes away from Tommy's hoodie and walked through the aisle. Once picking a small bag of sour cream and onion lays. I walked to the counter and handed over the dollar. He swiftly
scanned it and I was on my way. Once back outside in the freezing weather, I walked down a little so the cashier wouldn't see me camping out.

I could've stayed inside, but the sign at the front of the door was loud and clear. "NO LOITERING" The small overhang of the roof was my only cover from the snow. I shakily opened the bag of chips and placed one in my mouth. I ate them sparingly, since this was all I had.

After what felt like 10ish minutes I was watching the cars go by, my eyes almost drooped since I was overly tired. I had pulled an all-nighter the night before, and it has been an excruciatingly long day. I feared that if I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up. the cold was really getting to me, and my brain was getting foggier by the second.

"what if this is it" I thought to myself.

It was a great run; I had my fun times. I could've just laid down against the frozen blacktop waiting for my heart to eventually freeze and stop beating. I strongly thought about it. staring blankly at the parking lot. I probably looked like a crackhead. Curled up against the old gas station, shivering.

Just as I was about to take a last look around at the miserable world I decided to leave, I caught a glance of something orange on my wrist. Tommy's bracelet.

At the sight of the colorful yarn, instead of a frozen flake landing on my face. I felt a single hot tear.

"dammit" I wiped it away. I wasn't going to cry; I hadn't fully let my emotions out today. I was silently crying of fear in the car ride, and had a panic attack in the bathroom, but hadn't really been emotional.

I didn't want to seem weak. I had to stay strong for my friends, Karl was coming, and I couldn't give up now.

I watched slowly as some older man pulled up to the gas station, the first costumer all night. He was obviously drunk, and barely noticed me as he barged through the door of the gas station. It was very entertaining, watching him grab multiple six-packs of the trashiest and cheapest beer there was. If had any money I would have totally joined him.

"I need new coping skills" I muttered as I held my hand in my hands, realizing I was totally willing to go get drunk with a total stranger.

After multiple minutes of distracting myself with the man, he drove off into the snow. And I was left to wallow in my pit of despair.