Moonlight House (Book 2, Lonstino & Greenwood Series)

Chapter 38 - Flutters

ADAM

I needed to get out. The walls of my apartment felt as if they would crush me at any moment. I spent the night tossing and turning in bed and didn't want to disturb Claire's sleep. The TV in the living room didn't provide any comfort and I can't work since we are officially on vacation during this month. My chest hurt and I began sweating again. The only solution that occurred to me was to get out and walk my anxiety away. If it wasn't for the fact that I have an appointment with the cardiologist this afternoon, I would have gone to the emergency room. I don't want to worry anyone unnecessarily so I'll wait. My hands are freezing and I'm not wearing a hat, but the cold air seems to calm me.

Claire has spent the past two evenings with me since New Year's Eve. We are tip-toeing around each other on the subject of what's bothering her. I've been busy and when I have free time, she doesn't seem in the mood for a deep conversation. I care about her so much, and it's puzzling not knowing what I could have done wrong. 

Time has gone by, but I don't know how much since I forgot to put my watch on and left my phone at the apartment. People jog or walk to a nearby train station, so I guess I must have been sitting here for a few hours. I should go home, but can't face what waits for me. A police agent watches me and before he approaches, I change my mind and walk back to my building. When I open the door, I find Claire at the dining table, her phone in her hands and a packed bag at her feet.

"Where were you? I was worried to death!" She stands up when she sees me.

"I went for a walk."

"A walk? I woke up and it was five fifteen. You were gone, and left your wallet and phone here. Do you know how much it freaked me out that you were gone? I was about to call Erin right when you opened the door!"

"I just needed some fresh air, that's all," I say and feel like wanting to run out of the door again.

"Why? If something was bothering you, if you were not feeling well, you could have woken me up!"

"I couldn't sleep. I have a doctor's appointment at one today."

"An appointment? Adam, this irritates the hell out of me. What is the purpose of us being in a relationship when you can't even share with me when you have a doctor's appointment?"

"Well, you haven't been too talkative in the last weeks."

Claire's eyes turn into slits and her face turns furious. "How do you think it feels when everybody around you has stable relationships and plans for the future? I don't even know where we are headed off or if we have a future at all. You don't talk to me unless it is to tell me something about the club's administration. For all I know, you only keep me around for a convenient fuck."

"Claire, I really love you," I hold her arm and she shakes free of it.

"You love me? Well, you have quite a nice way of showing it. Whenever I'm here, I feel as if I'm an inconvenience. I don't dare to leave one hairpin around that you might think I'm invading your space."

"Claire, please," I hold onto the kitchen counter for fear of falling. Breathing is difficult.

"Adam, we need to rethink this. I thought it was a matter of being patient, but I don't see changes. You don't trust me. You don't share what's in your mind. I stayed at my parents after Christmas with the hope that it would open your eyes, make you miss me. But nothing happened. This isn't working."

Claire grabs her bag and leaves the apartment without turning to look back. My air pipes open but I feel like someone has ripped the life out of me. 

"Adam? Are you okay?" Erin says when she hears me sniffling on the phone.

"Claire broke up with me," I manage to say before I break into sobs.