You're Mines Still

Chapter 8

This shit going on with Justin is hard. We've been on and off for a minute. I'm not in love with him. I barely have him around Amir so they don't even have a real relationship together. So why tf am I still dealing with him?

Because he listened to me when things were hard? He made me feel special? He held me down?

No !

All he's done was make me feel guilty for leaving him or not being around him. He's clung onto me for life and makes me feel awful when I don't wanna be with him.

But I owed him. He saved me. I couldn't abandon someone who did something so big for me. I had to put up with him? At least sometimes right?

"Jayda". My thoughts were cut off by Blue. He was clearly waiting for an answer.

My love for Blue never left. But he hurt me too. He denied his child and never spoke to me again. For 3 years. 3 years missing him, 3 years without hearing his voice. 3 years of him not realizing he had a child. Me doubting my parenting. My postpartum depression. A lot happened. I know he couldn't physically have been here, but damn I just wished I could've spoken to him during those times.

I sure as hell needed it.

"Jayda", he called again. I snapped my attention back to him. "I'm sorry." I said. "So are you gon keep messing wit that nigga", he questioned. His tone was a little agitated.

He was lucky Amir was sleep. "First off , change the tone in your voice".

He sighed. "Jayda I'm serious man. I want you, but if you still gon deal with him, then we just gon be co-parenting".

"First off Blue. You been out of prison for 3 Damn days. You think I'm finna jump back in a relationship with you ? Yeah you apologized, but you don't even know what went down when you was locked up."

"Jayda did you forget why I went to prison. All that shit that happened. Did you forget who I did it for? Or was you just worried about you?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I never forgot. I had nightmares for years. I cried and made myself sick night after night , blaming myself for where you were."

I stood up and stepped to him. "I still blame myself till this day, for getting your freedom taken away. But I still tried to visit you, call you. I tried to let you know what was going on. Tried to send you pictures of our son. You wouldn't have it though. You wouldn't listen. I been through a lot these last 3 years."

"Jayda I didn't mean it like that. It's not your fault I went to prison".

I shook my head. "Nah you said what you said. And yeah I'm done with Justin, but I'm not starting shit with you", I said holding back tears.

I turned my back to him because I felt tears starting to fall. Just thinking of everything that had happened , made me really emotional.

"I- I think I should go", I said while grabbing Amir. I didn't even look at Blue, but he didn't say anything either. I walked out the room as tears continued to fall.

In went downstairs and seen Dess in the kitchen. "What's wrong Wayda", she said concerned. I explained to her what went down. "No the fuck he didn't", she said with an angry and shocked expression. "Girl he fucking did".

"You want me to go talk to him", she asked. I shook my head no. "I called my Uber, I just wanna go home".

"Well I'm coming too",she said grabbing her shoes. I smiled. "Thank you"

"Girl you think imma stay in here with a nigga while my bestie hurting? Tuh".

I smiled when I got a notification that the Uber was outside. We headed out.