Losing control (Hiccup x Reader)

Chapter 4

Your vision blurred as you chest tightened, breathing heavily, panic racing through you. "(Y/n), look at me."
"No!" You scream, yanking one of your arms from Hiccup's grip, slamming it to the ground making a hole in the dirt.
You were terrified and mad at yourself for ruining the first proper friendship you had. Hiccup let's go of your wrists, you figured he was going to get up and leave but instead, you feel a body lean into you, his arms holding you tightly.
You froze for a few seconds, his soft hair tickling your face, you wriggle against his grip but he refuses to let go. You couldn't hold it in, you burst into tears, gripping onto his armour as you sobbed into his shoulder. Through your sobs you could hear him faintly shushing in your ear, one of his hands resting on the back of your head, his fingertips slowly massaging your scalp.
He pulls you to sit in between his legs, holding onto you like his life depended on it, he starts to softly hum as you slowly calmed down.
You exhale a long shaky breath, he loosens his grip and pulls away slightly, your faces inches away from each other, looking deep into your glossy eyes, you continue to hold onto him. He doesn't say anything for a moment, just looking at you sadly, worry plastered all over his face.
"Talk to me." He whispers "I...I'm a monster" you squeak, more tears filling your eyes "hey, no no no!" He wipes your cheek "you are not a monster!"

"Yes I am! I have this...this curse, sometimes I can't even control it like today, I've spent my whole life living in fear, hiding away from people! I hate it and I hate myself!" You yell, firing another shot at a tree behind you, a clear hole now pierced though the middle of it.
Hiccup looks over at the tree then back at you "go on, banish me! I should have left years ago! I don't deserve anyone." You cry, burying your head into your throbbing hands.
Hiccup takes them, gently resting his on top "you aren't cursed, nor am I banishing you." He says sternly "b-but."
"No buts,"
You gulp. He sighs softly and stands up, pulling you up with him, taking you to sit against a large tree "this power doesn't change my opinion on you at all, it's pretty impressive actually." He says, you stare at him dumbfounded "are you serious?"
"Yeah. You're still you. please believe me when I say to you...you're still my friend, and a very much cherished member of Berk." He says, you were slightly shocked at his words "so...You're not mad?" You ask quietly "why would I be mad?"
"I don't know...keeping it a secret from you, my own chief, your father too. Just..." you pause "(y/n) you are clearly very scared and I understand why." He runs a hand through his hair "were you born with it?" You nod "no one knows how or why though. My mum never had any problems when she was pregnant with me."

Hiccups hmm's, then Spear approaches looking guilty "why did you land and refuse to move?" You question, glaring at him. He looks at Hiccup then back at you "dragons are very intelligent. He knows how hard this is for you. Maybe he thought I would understand." Hiccup says, patting his head, he nudges you sadly "I'm sorry." You sigh, holding onto him, he purrs contently.
You yawn quietly, leaning against Hiccups shoulder, you were exhausted. Your power often takes a lot of energy out of you, especially when you shoot with rage. And the panic attack didn't help either.
Hiccup looks down, noticing you fighting to keep your eyes open, he chuckles to himself and wraps an arm around your shoulder, letting you curl up to him, you sigh softly and quickly drift off.
You groggily open your eyes to the sound of soft crackling, a small fire was burning in front of you, you go to move but feel a weight on you. The sudden realisation that you were cuddled up to Hiccup made your face instantly burn up. His head resting atop of yours, his slow heartbeat echoing in your ears "Hiccup?"
No response. In the corner of your eye you see Toothless and Spear curled up together. You wanted to move but he was so warm and having him so close made you feel safe in a way. You re close your eyes and let sleep take over once again.

You open your eyes again to daylight, a hand holding book open beside you, it looked like a journal or something. You shuffle a bit "morning sleepyhead." A voice chuckles, you sit up and stretch "sorry for falling asleep." You mumble, Hiccup smiles "don't be. It was pretty obvious how tired you were, didn't want to risk waking you up with flying home so stayed here." He explains "did you sleep alright?" He then asks "yeah, you're pretty comfy and warm." You reply quietly, cheeks flushing "why thank you!"
"What about you?"
"Got a good few hours, your head is comfy too." He laughs, you roll your eyes "anyway, thank you for yesterday...for not...y'Know going mad at me and what not." You say. He closes his book "anything for a friend. And you don't need to worry, I'll do everything I can to support you."