Back to Him

Chapter 40- A Fresh Start

^^^^ My both babies, Ryan and Rose. Do you like them?

Hey, guys. Okay stop abusing me. I sorry it took long to update but this is hella long ass chapter. I hope you like it, cause I worked so hard for it.

Listen to-Rewrite the stars

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For a second, my world stopped. I totally forgot about everything around me and it was if the earth would swallow me alive in no seconds.

And then it all came crashing down at me like a hurricane as if the emotions were slowly gradually,pulling in and I could feel every bit of pain in my heart. It was so unbearable. It became so painful.

So was Ryan's face when he slammed the door on my face. I could count the seconds since he left me, all alone here, just shallow breaths and eyes burning due to the words he threw at me.

Was it true? Was I really just bothered that he had an actual friend and someone to rely on? Was I not understanding the situation from his point of view? Was I being unfair? He says there is nothing going on between them. Should I believe him?

I don't know.

How should I make the decision? It's all messed up in my mind and my head won't stop hurting. I became frustrated. It's always me who has to go through shit again and again.

Whoever's mistake it may be, it was Ryan who was the reason I had to endure all of the pain coming towards me all these months. He was the reason I have been crying all day and night. It was him. And in no place in hell am I gonna forgive him or give him a second chance. I've had enough for God dammit sake. Give me a break!

And that is how anger took over my senses and I lost all of my shit. I did not care about anything rather than cutting off Ryan from my thoughts. I did not want to think about him. He is an asshole and he deserves whatever he gets. Who the hell is he to give me lectures about the pain he is going through and how I am being irrational. He doesn't and never will have a say in this situation because.. I've experienced pain way more than him.

And out of anger, I took a vase from the night stand and smashed it on the same door that he closed a few minutes ago. Taking deep breaths, I pulled myself together.

Breathe, Rose. Don't let him get on you.

But it was too late. Eying the broken pieces of rich and expensive glass, I felt happy. It was broken. Just like me. And it felt good to know there was something that I could relate too. I was not alone.

So I took the first thing next that I saw and smashed it again. All the rage was finally coming into good use. I opened his wardrobe and threw everything out messing the room. Then came the torn bedsheets and pillows and everything my eyes fell on. In the end, the whole room became a complete mess and unrecognisable.

I pulled my hair with great force and sobbed quietly. I was all alone in this, wasn't I? No one is going to understand what I am going through. They all will feel sorry for me,throw me pity glances but then, that's done. No one will be able to take my loneliness,my hurt away. Even when I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is broken and fragile body haunted by her demons with no worth in the world. Ryan said he loves me. But does he really? How can he love me when all I am is a lifeless body with no light in my eyes? How can he find me attractive? He should have given up on me. He should not have even let me give him another chance.

But I hurted him, didn't I? I told him he should not bother trying to get me back, to give me attention, but that's a lie. I want him to try hard for me. I want him to prove himself to me. But I am just too damn stubborn to admit that to him.