stigma | minsung

110

jisung wanted to fly back to korea. he wanted to go to minhos funeral. he wanted to say goodbye, even if it would be to an empty casket.

unfortunately, he knew this wouldn't be possible. even in the worst of times, minhos parents would never allow jisung near them or minho.

he knew he would not be allowed to attend the ceremony for minho, and even though that completely broke him inside... he had other plans in mind.

jisung let out a heavy breath as he walked over to his closet and pulled out black dress pants, a black dress shirt, and a black suit jacket.

he put them on and stared in the mirror as his mind flooded with memories of minho.

the way minho spoke to him, touched him, kissed him... the way minho was able to let go of the stigma around being gay, and was able to embrace himself in order to love jisung fully.

jisung felt loved by someone for the first time in his life thanks to minho. he felt beautiful, happy, euphoric.

now without minho though, he was dull, and lifeless.

he didn't even want to be alive.

"jisung, what are you doing?" his mother asked as she walked into the room.

"minho died." he mumbled.

"your father did too and you refused to get out of bed, but you can throw an entire fucking funeral by yourself for some boy?" she spat out at him.

"m-mom..." his bottom lip quivered.

"jisung, there are other boys out there." she said to him softly.

"i don't want another boy, i want minho." he cried out.

"and i wanted your father, but you got sick and he gave you a kidney. cant you see how we don't get what we want?" she posed the question to jisung.

"you say it like it's my fault..." jisung frowned, feeling his once forgotten guilt take over him.

"you needed the kidney jisung, it's as simple as that." she shrugged, seeming completely unemotional.

"b-but i didn't ask for him to give me the kidney." jisung stuttered out.

"you may not have asked for it, but he still did it. he loved you jisung, just be grateful that you're still here when he's not." she said to dig at jisung.

"you know that's not easy for me." jisung mumbled.

"what was that?" she asked.

"nothing..." jisung frowned and pushed past his mother to leave the room.

"go ahead jisung, leave. just like you always do. you left when your father was sick, so what's stopping you now?" his mother shouted at him as he went to leave his house.

jisung didn't respond. he stopped in his tracks for just a moment before continuing his journey out the door.

jisung walked for ages it felt like. not stopping until he was met with his desired destination. the sun was beginning to set, making his surroundings much darker.

he finally arrived at a quiet bridge where hardly any cars passed by, and people were far to wrapped up in their own worlds to see a boy so close to the edge.

tw// self harm/suicide. read with caution. 

jisung was tired of fighting. he blamed himself for two deaths now, his fathers and minhos. even his mom had some underlying blame towards jisung.

he stared down at the water below him, and he just wanted to crash into it. he wanted to feel the air blow past him as he let out his final breath.

he felt alone and hopeless.

it seemed unfair to jisung that he had to lose both his father and boyfriend in such a short period of time.

he heard the birds and the waves. he heard the cars, the sirens, the sounds of the city.

none of it mattered though.

the sounds were drowned out by his consuming thoughts that only provided him with one track to take in life.

and that was to end his life.

jisung's mind was leading him to his death, and he was no longer trying to fight it.

no one will miss me... they'll get over it.

they don't need me. they're better off without me. i only cause more pain.

jisung couldn't remember the last time he was happy on his own. he knew it was unhealthy to rely on others for his happiness, but he couldn't help it.

minho was everything to him, and now jisung was nothing without him.

jisung took in one last breath as he looked down at the tretorous water. it seemed cold and violent, but it didn't scare jisung.

he finally leaned foward, letting go of the rail and losing his balance purposely.

he felt the wind brush past him as he rapidly began to crash downward.

he felt like he was flying, even though he knew he was about to die.

he finally felt free.

a.n.

i don't know how i feel about this chapter

but i think there's only gonna be one more after this

sorry to all of you who are upset by this ending 😭😭