Awakening //DreamNotFound//

Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Ice-cream

This was my first time in years I went into an ice-cream café. I felt, weird and in the wrong place. Having friends is so abnormal. But it feels good. I feel like they enjoy being my friends, even though I can’t give them anything back. They don’t have to be my friends, laugh with me, comfort me, but they still do. It feels great not feeling lonely anymore.

Therefore, I wasn’t afraid going to this café. My sister was even proud of me that I made friends. I am just sad, that Tubbo couldn’t come. One of his younger brothers has a school performance. He must be a proud big brother, just like I am proud of my sister. She is doing so well in college.
When I finally arrived at the café, with my friends were already there. It was almost autumn, therefore we sat inside. The ice cream café was light furnished. Their chairs and benches were white or light rosy. The walls were painted white but had some drawings onto it. On the benches were pastel-colored pillows who seemed really soft. It felt cuddly and welcome. I smiled while walking to my friends. They both sat on one of those benches next to each other. They talked about something funny because I saw Darryl giggle.

To speak of Darryl, this is the first time I saw him in casual clothes. Normally he wears his robe if he planned to go into a dungeon but this time this wasn’t the case. He had some light blue baggy pants on a shirt with an anime logo printed onto it. It was a bit odd seeing him in these clothes, but it was something we would all suggested he would wear in his free time.

Finally, they noticed me and smiled. “There you are, you are late” “The bus was late” They laughed, and I just raised an eyebrow. Indeed, my bus was late. Exactly 10 minutes. It wasn’t raining so I didn’t mind it a lot, but it stills triggers me, being late. I sat myself to the opposite of Bad. “I said the truth” I said calm, but they just smirked. “Yeah, yeah.”

The waitress came with a little notepad in her hand and smiled polite. “What do you want to order” she asked politely. I didn’t even look at the card, so I didn’t say a word. Nick used his speech to tell the waitress that we are still waiting for a friend. She left and I was confused. “Does Tubbo after all still come?” I asked my two friends. Both shook their heads and smiled evil. “You guys scare me. Who is it” “You’ll see” Bad said and finally his nickname kind of makes sense with this smile.

“Why is he here?” a similar voice echoed in my head over and over. It came from right behind me. I turned around and made a big mistake. I directly looked into his brown eyes. These eyes will make me crazy. It just seems if he can look directly into my soul, and it makes me crazy. And his eyes are so beautiful as well. The brown which shimmers in the light so bright and seemed so lovely. How can a human be this pretty?

“He is our friend to George” Bad said calm. I finally broke my glance towards my childhood friend and turned to the magician. “I’ll leave” I said, ready to stand up but Nick didn’t let me. “No stay! It is just some ice cream!” he interrupted my attempt to escape. George sighed and sat right next to me. “Whatever.” He looked towards me with a piercing gaze. I stayed silent and took the menu card to distract myself.

Why are these two doing this to me. Nick knows that I can’t be next to him. Why did he arrange this? Does he want me to suffer? After some silence between us, well just between me and George, the other two had the fun of their lives, giggling and talking, the waitress finally came back. She started with me and George.

“Peppermint and some vanilla ice cream please” I said a bit quiet. George ordered some Stracciatella and strawberry ice-cream. The waitress turned towards the other two, who just stood up and took their jackets, leaving me confused. “We decided that you two need a talk” smiled bad. “What?!” George and I answered synchronized. Both of us were in shock. “Yes, bro. You need a talk.” Nick said with a smile, on his way leaving. “And if one of you just goes, we will organize this over and over.” Bad smiled.

So, we stayed where we were in silence. It was an uncomfortable silence. None of us were happy about this. We are just awkwardly next to each other. It didn’t take long until my brain drifted away again. I thought about the times George and I went into this ice café when we were young.  His taste didn’t change, just like mine. Always the same.

It feels like I know a lot about him because we grew up together. I know what he likes, what he hates. When he is ashamed, he turns his glaze away, scratch his back. When he is happy, he smiles bright and when he giggles, he looks down. I know so much about him, but also so less. He is for me a complete stranger nowadays.

When our order arrives, we still stayed silent. Nobody took a bite, we just sat there. I looked at the ice-cream. It was just as frosty as the atmosphere.

“Why do you hate me” the brit next to me whispered and this surprising voice startled me. My head turned towards him, but I didn’t say a word. “I mean- You don’t even know me. How can you hate me?” His head turns towards me.

How could I ever say the truth? What even is the truth? There is something inside me which reacts to him in a way it never did before. I never felt this way when I was near him so even if I wanted to answer his question, I couldn’t. If this feeling wasn’t there, which makes me sick, I could talk to you easily. There would be no problem. But I can’t even open my mouth in your presence properly. Saying even a word is so difficult, my most difficult task I ever had to do. This is a quest I couldn’t do, never manage it.

“It is me? I am the problem here” he asked me. To be correct? I dunno? How could I? My body is the weird part here, not you. Something is bringing all my attention towards you. Like if you are the most important person out there. “Yeah, I am” he turned his head towards his hands which laid on his lap.

I looked at the ice-cream. It slowly melted a bit but was just as frosty as before. If I don’t start to eat it, it will welt away.

“You seem to like Bad and Sap?” he asked me, didn’t face his glaze towards me. I nodded slowly. Both are totally fine. None of them make me sick. None of them let me overreact. “So, they are totally fine…”

He turned his head towards me, letting my do the same, making the mistake looking into these eyes again. “What can I do to make you like me?” he asked quiet but with surprisingly motivation in his voice. I was confused. What does he mean? “How can I change!?” he said with a finally smile on his face.

Change? He wants to change? No! He is so perfect just how he is. There is no way he’ll change. He can’t it is impossible! I’d never want him to change, to force him to be someone else. I would never want him to change in any way. Nobody should have the right to change him.

Harshly I answered with a ice-cold voice. “Don’t change.” It wasn’t loud but made him speechless. He opened his mouth a bit surprised. Then he turned his head towards his lap a few seconds later. “Sorry… I thought I could finally be something you would accept… But you just think I am so wrong; nothing could make me better…”

Doesn’t he get it?! You are perfect just the way you are! Never change for everyone. Whoever let you think you should change yourself? I want to kill this one right now. You weren’t like that back when we were friends. You didn’t care about what other people think about you. You never wanted to change for everyone, what changed you? Who?

I stood up, feeling my hands making fists in anger. My nails hurt the skin of my hands. I felt my own heartbeat. I was so angry like I never was before.

“I am sorry…” the brit mumbled still looking into his lap. I grabbed him by his T shirt therefore pushing him up onto his feet. With a bit of force, I rammed him against the wall right next to him. The whole café got quiet; nobody said a word. George looked up to me in fear. He just seemed like a frighten bunny. Where is this strong George I admire?

“Don’t change for anyone!” I said harsh and cold. “Nobody has the right to change you. Stay the same!” I looked into his eyes for a few seconds until I let go of his shirt and turned around. I realized what I had done. George shivered in fear. I caught. “Sorry”

Then I left the café and the totally melted ice-cream. The last thing I heard was George whispering “So, he isn’t that evil minded?”