A Court Of Frozen Shadows- Azriel X Reader

07. Pretty

"Are you okay?" Elain asked me, her hands caressing the dirt around a flower as she plucked one from the ground, making another flower crown. 

"I wish to apologise to you Elain," I was careful not to pick at any of the grass, I knew she prided herself on this garden. "What I did to you yesterday was unfair, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that," I had been angry with her, I knew that, and instead of punching her or shouting at her to release my anger, I had interrogated her, pushed her about her love life and her poor decisions regarding her mate. "I knew what I was doing and it was wrong of me. I deeply apologise," I had rehearsed this in the mirror his morning. 

Elains smile brightened instantly, her perfect, dazzling white teeth on show, it was a blow in the chest, another reason to envy her, to hate her. She accepted my apology with grace, she was understanding, something I don't think I ever could be. "Do you grow plants, vegetables?" I asked, the only way I could ensure my food wasn't poisoned, was if I picked it from the ground. 

She shook her head, "No, sorry, I dislike planting vegetables, I'd rather plant beautiful things instead," She touched a rose petal. 

I still pitied Elain, her pretty dresses, her fragile outlook on life will soon be shattered, just like mine was. I wanted to tell her to appreciate her pretty life for as long as she could, her positive outlook was rare nowadays, it was rare in a life filled with war, hate and displeasure. "Though Rhys owns a local farm, he would widdow you there,"

"Yes," I spoke, "Yes, I'd like that,"

Soon later, Elain was speaking to Azriel again, Azriel and I were the only ones she spoke to. As I watched them, the same spiteful emotion took over me again, kicking me in the gut. Why is he so close? Why does he only smile around her? My hands formed fists as I looked away from them, away from Elain's pretty dress, her pretty hair, her pretty face. I just wanted to show her how evil the world could be, how evil I am. I wanted to rip her pretty hair from her pretty head. I wanted to shatter the look of love she gave Azriel, I wanted to break it. I wanted to break her. Her and her pretty pretty pretty life. Her life should be mine, mine, mine. I was stuck in an institute, beaten, raped by the man who concurs my nightmares whilst she was here, in her pretty fucking  dresses, planting her pretty fucking flowers. This should've been my life. 

As they walked, a tree's root flew up from the ground, hitting her in the shin, making her lose her footing, she nearly fell over until Azriel grabbed her. She pulled up her dress, her skin bleeding. That's right. Bleed. Bleed like I did for decades. 

Why did Azriel grab her? Why is he so close?

I scoffed at myself, physically shaking my head of these evil thoughts, "I'm a psychopath," I uttered. My anger and jealousy disappeared as I looked at the 1st person that had granted me kindness, she began crying. "It's only a scratch," I mumbled, trying to ease the guilt bubbling in my stomach. 

Did I make that root lift up?

Azriel and Elain's lips were so close, moving another inch, they could meet. If I was a better person, I'd project my self-pity elsewhere, I wouldn't ruin this moment for them. But, I'm not a good person, I'm not a good person at all. Not at all. 

"Elain," I called out, walking up to them, Azriel quickly let go of her, letting her drop to the ground and he spun around to look at me, panic written all over his face. "Are you okay?" I spoke slapping a concerned look onto my face, trying my best to look like I care about the tiniest graze of blood on her shin. My arm was dropping off a few days ago and Azriel didn't bat an eyelash, but when Elain slips, oh no, let's stop everything we are doing to help her. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," She spoke softly, Azriel looked at me as if he wanted to kill me. Elain got up from the ground herself, just like I had to do, for decades. "I was just telling Azriel how you want to visit the farm, he said he'd fly you there," she dusted off the dirt off her dress. 

"I think I've changed my mind," Azriel crossed his arms as he glared at me, his tall figure scaring me a little. 

Elain's eyes filled with concern, "Please Az? For me?Please Az? It would make me so happy," Elain gave Azriel her best smile, I don't think I've ever wanted to pull out someone's teeth more. I shook my head again, Elain had done nothing wrong, she had nothing to do with what happened at the institute. I need to remember that. 

Azriel sighed before looking down on Elain, he eventually nodded, the corners of his mouth curling upwards. "Come on then," Azriel spoke, his wings flying out to his full span, I've never seen someone with such an impressive wingspan. 

"Wait, now?" I asked, looking at his wings, the fear probably evident in my eyes. 

"Yes, you'll be fine," Elain giggled, pushing me into Azriel's arms. I don't think I've ever been so still as I felt Azriel's large arms curl around my waist, without warning, he took off with one flap of his large wings. 

I grasped onto him tighter, as I looked around us, we were so far from the ground. If I wanted to, I could jump from Azriel's arms and end it all, even a high fae would die from this height. Death was almost attractive right now. I was in so much pain, every day. I leaned out of Azriel's arms further. "Loosen your grip," I uttered to Azriel. 

"you'll fall," He answered, his hot breath caressing my ear.

"I just want to see..." I trailed off, leaning further out of his arms, everything was so small, I was really in the air, I was flying. Hesitantly, Azriel loosened his grip on me, I only had one arm around his neck as I leaned further out, I noticed he had stopped moving, only flapping his wings to stay in the same place. "It's magnificent," I uttered under my breath, looking at the view below. I was only hanging onto his neck with 2 fingers. There's so much of the world that I've missed whilst been trapped in the institute. 

I slipped.

Azriel shouted, I don't even know if I screamed or not, maybe I didn't, I haven't screamed in such a long time, maybe I've forgotten how. I was falling through the air, the wind smacking me in the face, I didn't even mind when I saw the earth getting closer and closer to me. Did I hear Elain scream? Would I be impaled by a tree? I hope not, that would be unfortunate. I couldn't help but think about how beautiful the world was when I was falling. I was so close, I could extend my arm and I'd hit the earth.

I couldn't tell if I was relieved when those strong hands grabbed me, just as my hair made a connection with the earth once again. Azriel pulled me into his arms, switching us over just before he hit the ground, taking all of the damage. We sat there for a moment, my entire body was lying on his. It was is the only thing in the world was us, I could only hear his heavy breathing, only feel both of his strong arms holding mine. 

I am alive. 

"That was crazy," I spoke after I had caught my breath. "Can we do it again?" I asked, twisting my head so it rested on his chest, as I looked up to him. 

He looked down at me, his mouth still open, he took heavy breaths, he looked all over my face, looking for damages, my eyes connected with his for a few moments before close them, rolling his head back so it rested on the earth. "You're insane," He shook his head a few moments, "Are you okay?"

Adrenaline was pumping through my system. I nodded before rolling off of his stomach, sitting on his knees. "I think I'm okay anyway, you good?"

"I'll be fine," He mumbled

It was then when I couldn't hold it back any longer. I laughed. I laughed harder than I ever have before, I laughed for the first time in decades, in 60 years, it felt good. Gods, did it feel good. "We nearly died!" I cried out, the laugh burst from me again, tears fell from my eyes. "Gods, I nearly died... that was so fun,"

Azriel was looking at me as if I had just stripped naked and flew away. He looked at me as if I was insane, but his lips were pulled into a smile, he had dimples. He looked taken aback, probably by my laugh. I had a weird laugh, I know I did. I always had, since I was 7. 

"Let's do it again,"