A Court Of Frozen Shadows- Azriel X Reader

27 Never Answered Dreams

The shadows didn't come to my room that night. 

Or the night after, or the night after that.
I was used to curling into a ball in the darkest corner of the room, hoping that the shadows would devour me, visit me, calm me. 

They never did.

I let sleep take me, the nightmares were inevitable, it was something I had to endure these 5 nights after we had come home from the institute. Though sometimes Leelee was in my dream, I knew his blonde hair anywhere, he would normally die in them. Lord Balton would kill him. 

My muscles ached when I uncurled myself from the ball, my spine cracking, I hurt all over. But it wasn't from my lack of movement. No. It was a deep, dull ache within the very deepest pit of my stomach, the loud whispers within my veins only stopped aching once I used my magic, when the vines came again. They became my friend. 

You didn't let the institute break you

Oh, how wrong Elain was, the institute broke me years ago, I've just learnt to hide it. Standing up, I gave myself a few minutes to remember what it feels like to move within my own body and I began to walk to the kitchen. There, I ate some bread and cheese. 

Outside the window, I saw a large shadow in the grass. Where I had broken down days ago. I watched as the shadow pushed his head into his hands. His wings spread out. It was Azriel. 

My feet moved subconsciously towards him, he looked over to me, those honey drop eyes piercing mine. I hadn't spoken to him since the institute, I hadn't spoken to many, only Amren, Elain and Rhysand. I hadn't even the energy to speak to Cassian. I fell down softly beside him. I had one of Elain's soft dresses on, it was a baby blue. We sat for a few moments, "Cheese?" I asked, presenting him a block. He shook his head, looking up to the moon high above us. "Good, I wasn't going to give it to you anyway," 

The corner of his mouth lifted up. 

"Have you ever tried to fly to the moon?" I asked him, popping the final piece of cheese into my mouth. I don't know why I was speaking to him, I hadn't the energy to open an eyelid moments ago, now I'm having a conversation, must be the cheese's fault. 

"I've never thought of it,"

I gave him an incredulous look, "in the 500 years you've been alive, you've never thought of flying to the moon?"

"Too many wars to be thinking of time-wasters such as flying to the moon," He spoke back smoothly, his shadows didn't reach out to me, he was holding them back. 

I clenched my jaw. "What I said to Elain, I meant it, I'm sorry for meddling with your love life,"

"You meant everything you said to Elain? You are envious of her,"

I snorted, leaning back, I liked the feel of the wet grass against my neck, "Listening to my private conversation, much?" When he didn't give a reply, I answered, "Yes, yes I was envious, of course, I was, she's perfection," I swallowed, "You and her would make a great couple Azriel,"

His fists clenched. "What happened to not meddling in her love life?"

I set out the bait, "I can't help it when a handsome man likes my friend, I must intervene,"

He was silent for a couple of seconds, "You think I'm handsome?" He took the bait, a playful tone hiding in his voice, the corner of my mouth flickered up. 

"You're dark, mysterious, tall, brooding, muscled, what's not to like?" I looked to him, into those eyes. 

"You're a charmer,"

"Just trying to soften you, put you in a good mood,"

"Why-"

I sat up straight, turning to him, "because I need you to make me a vow,"

His eyebrow rose, "A vow?" He echoed

"I decided not to kill you, you owe me your life, and with my life debt, I need you to vow that you will never let me go there again, that the first moment you see Lord Balton, you will shoot an arrow through his thick skull,"

He gulped, "I don't need life debt to make me vow that to you Evangeline, I swore it the moment I saw scars stitched onto your back." He took my chin in his hand, lifting it up so our gaze met. "I vow to you, Evangeline, the moment I lay eyes on Lord Balton, I will grant him a fate that will make him pray for death." He leaned closer to me, our nose inches apart. "Do you understand?" I nodded, "Words, Evangeline,"

"Yes," I whispered into the dead of night. He licked his lips, staring into my eyes for a moment too long before dropping my chin, he returned his gaze to the sky. 

"Rhysand is acquiring an army to storm Baltons institute,-"

"But technically, he is doing no wrong, Balton made laws to make institutes legal in his court,"

"The institute we visited wasn't in his court, Evie, he was in Rhysand's, and Rhys had strict rules regarding these things," I began to object, "Rhys gained the land in battle, after the war we took it, if one institute is in our court, then we can take down them all,"

"Event he ones in his court?"

"Yes,"

Sighing, I brought my gaze to the stars above, I wished to those stars, every day and night to leave the institute. The stars never listened, my dreams were never answered. "I used to feel pain, like whenever Balton hit me, or whipped me," I shook my head, "now I don't feel a thing." I turned to Azriel, whispering "and I don't know which ones worse," 

He released his shadows from their hold and he watched as I relaxed around them, their frozen touch always cooled my boiling body, they slivered around my neck, my back, legs. A small sigh of relief escaped my lips. I watched as Azriel shuddered next to me. "Your shadows are very touchy," 

He licked his lips, "Only to you," he murmured, reaching to me and grabbing the bread from my lap, he took a large bite. 

Once I had turned around to ask him a question, I now only noticed how close we were, we were both slightly leaning on our side, popped up by our hips, one arm was straight, holding us up. "How did you get your scars," I ran a hand over his scarred hand. 

He quickly took it away from eyesight, "I'd rather not say," shifting away from me uncomfortably. I grasped his hand bringing him back, he was even closer now.

"Don't hide them from me, please," I spoke softly, those honey eyes holding me to my spot. "You've seen my scars, my darkest place, you've seen my tears, please, don't hide your scars from me and stop holding your goddam shadows back, I like them."

Azriel hesitantly placed a scarred hand onto my face, his eyes held confusion, serenity, desire. "You like them?" He barely whispered, but I heard him just fine, I had leaned in closer to him, or had he leaned close to me? 

"I've been so lonely without them for the last few days," I don't know when my hand trailed up his chest and placed itself at the base of his neck, though I felt his adam's apple bob up and down. "The nightmares are easier when they're with me,"

He looked at me through his thick eyelashes- when did he get so handsome again? "Then I'll let them have you," his voice had gone deeper, a felt a flicker in my stomach. 

"Azriel," I asked, 

"Yes?" I felt his breath on my mouth, he smelt of mint leaves. My fingernails trailed a vein on his neck, he took a sharp inhale. 

I was so close to him, I could probably count his individual eyelashes. "Are you just going to sit there, or are you going to kiss me?"