𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 | 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟒 | 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘

y/ns pov
short chapter because i'm sick

mentions of suicidal thoughts, abuse and self hate.

Mom had been called to Austin's school because he stabbed a student in the hand with a pencil. I knew it was his bully, he asked me about him one day after school, questioning some lies the bully said.

Mom had a meeting with the boy's mother, Cynthia, and the head of his school, discussing his future at the place of education. Stepping back into the car, Austin sighed and Mom huffed, frown lines imprinted in between her eyebrows.

"Well, how'd it go?" Austin sat next to me in the back, looking down.

"I'm not gonna lie. It was—"

"You're not gonna lie? That's weird."

"Ginny. Stop attacking Mom." I groaned, she was really overdoing it.

"Fine. I'd like to hear from Austin. How'd it go?"

"I'm suspended and I have to do therapy. Mom said she was worried."

"Therapy? For what?" I asked, looking back and forth between Mom and Austin.

"Baby, I'm not worried. And you don't need to go to therapy. That Zach kid had it coming."

"I'm sorry. Are you suggesting the nine-year-old deserved to be stabbed through the hand with a pencil?"

"He did," I nonchalantly replied. "He was bullying Austin and Austin retaliated, it was karma."

Ginny turned around, glaring at me, "You're seriously supporting this?"

"I'm sorry, but you've got a lot of opinions today. I don't remember anyone popping out of your birth canal! Can it."

"He needs to see someone. Clearly, he's not handling this secret family situation well."

Austin argued, "I like Caleb."

"I didn't tell you about them for a good reason. Maddie is trouble! You can't trust anything she says."

Ginny laughed, "Oh, that's rich. Please, lecture me more about who I can trust. I'm rapt."

"Ginny. Have you even asked Mom why she kept her a secret? Maybe if you listened for once, you would know." I argued.

Austin reached for my hand, "I don't wanna go to therapy."

"Don't worry, no one's forcing you to do anything you don't want to." I reassured him, softly rubbing my fingers against his knuckles.

"I'm not paying for some twenty-nothing, latte-drinkin', tweed-wearing hypocrite who thinks they have any idea about my life."

"Austin's life! You mean Austin's life!"

Mom turned back to Austin, "Baby, listen to me. You're perfect." "But I heard you. You said you were worried."

"Nothing I said was true! I was try—" "Lying!" Mom looked back at Ginny, shocked by her interruption.

"Protecting you." We drove home in silence. No singing, no family banter, no radio beating in the background.

Just plain, boring silence.

Once we arrived home, I decided to take a walk and clear my mind. Before this, the last time I left was when I went trick-or-treating with Austin. That was a week and a half ago. The rest of the days were spent cooped up in my room, avoiding everyone and everything.

The streets were quiet, folks minding their business for once.

I walked through the park, children laughing on swings and screaming down slides. I can't lie and say I wasn't jealous, I burnt with envy.

I never experienced any of this. The laughter, the smiles. I was forced into solidarity by the age of 5, thanks to my father. He locked me in a prison, it wasn't life. Life isn't being punched black and blue for sleeping past 6:30 AM, life isn't starving for weeks straight, your bones sticking out through your skin, life isn't contemplating suicide at the age of 7. I didn't even know how to die, I just knew that I wanted to.

I was willing to kill myself, any way possible.

My father wasn't a real man, he pushed his issue onto a 5-year-old. He shoved his insecurities, his grief, his demons onto me, his daughter.

He still scares me. I wake up panting from nightmares, sweaty baby hairs sticking to my face. I had to learn how to stop flinching every time someone raised their hand near me. I tried to learn to relax, panicking if I overslept, terrified of what Georgia could do to me.

But all she did was hug me. She cried with me. She sat with me. She stayed with me through everything. That's how I knew I could trust and love her 'cause she trusts and loves me.

Yet even her love could get rid of the words branded on my soul. The words he said. He disintegrated my self confidence, shredding it to unfixable pieces. Hearing how you're not enough everyday, hearing how disappointing you are, how ugly and fat you are, it hurts, it breaks you. Even if you try to fight it.

It slithers in. Slipping through the walls you thought were so tightly built together. Breaking down your soul, piece by piece. Until you're left with an empty core, darker than night.

I just know one thing, if I didn't run away that day, I would be rotting in a grave.

Walking past Blue Farm, I caught a glimpse of MANG sitting at a table. By their expressions, it looked like they were having a serious conversation. Abby was munching on fries, whilst Norah, Ginny and Max argued over the table. I snuck away before any of them could notice me.

I haven't spoken to anyone, it made me realise that I really wasn't close with them. I was always out of the loop, most of my time was spent with Marcus. I was around them because we went to the same school. Nothing more, nothing less.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, Moms name flashing on my screen. "Hello?"

"Y/N, where are you? It's been hours and Aunt Maddie was asking for you."

"Asking for me? Why?"

"She wants to get to know you better." "What? Why?" "I don't know but trust me, you can't trust anything she says. There's a reason I left her behind and I don't want any of you getting caught up in that."

I groaned feeling a light headache approach me. There hasn't been peace in the last few weeks and it was getting to me, more than I'd like to admit. "Yeah, I know. I'm coming home now."

Turning around, I looked at my surroundings, I realised I had trailed out of the park. Standing on a random street, I knew I was lost.

———————————————

another filler chapter.. i never really spoke about her abuse so this chapter is mainly about that.

anyways i finish school tomorrow at 1:55pm which gives me time to plan the next chapters. all i'm saying is get ready🎢.

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