꧁𝚆𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝚞𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚒𝚞𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚋𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝙰𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚊. ꧂
"I preferred to be in a war zone then b...
"Take a seat" Hotch said softly, as I entered his office for a psych eval. I did so and sat down on the dark grey couch in his office. "How are you feeling?"
"That's how you're going to start this eval?" You asked raising your eyebrow.
"I don't think I follow" Hotch stated
"Well if a psych eval was needed, then I'm hardly going to be peachy, am I?" I pointed out leaning back on the couch.
"Good point, let me rephrase it, what are you feeling?"
"Right now?" I questioned, I knew I was being difficult but let's be honest I didn't really want to have a psych eval.
"Right now, and most of the time, what do you feel?" Hotch replied
"Shitty--That's for right now and all the time... I feel--like shit" I cleared my throat.
"Depressed?"
"Mhm I feel depressed, but I don't remember a time where I haven't been depressed" I told him, slowly feeling myself relax into the conversation.
"Is that why you drink? Because you're depressed"
"I don't have a specific reason for why I drink, I have many reasons" I stated "Also most people drink"
"Would you say you drink more than you should?" Hotch questioned knitting his eyebrows together.
"Oh definitely... but I'm in control"
"Are you? Or are you just making that excuse?"
"I'm in control"
"So what you're saying is you drunk because your depressed, is it to make you feel better, help you forget-"
"Do you want me to be 100% honest with you?" I asked exhaling deeply.
"That's the only way that I can accurately evaluate you" Hotch pointed out.
"Ok... then if I'm being completely, and utterly honest... then... I drink because... I want to die..." That revealed secret was followed by a long pause. "And when I'm not drinking, I'm thinking about killing myself... Calculating what way would kill me quickly, how long it would take people to notice, thinking about who would really care... but when I drink, I'm relaxed, I'm not thinking about anything... and... this noise in my head is quiet"
