Perhaps a Better Place [A Dadzawa Story]

Foundation: Chapter 39

It isn't until after dinner when Shouji has claimed the loveseat for himself, and Jirou and Tokoyami have taken opposite ends of the couch with their legs tangled together in the middle, that we all settle into a nice silence with indie music playing softly on the TV.

Low-key? I miss cuddling with my friends. I was never a person who craved physical affection, but cuddling the homies is nice.

Homies...? I think I need a break from Kirishima.

Jirou sings along to a lot of the songs, and so does Tokoyami, but not nearly as much.

Every once in a while, his voice will rise to an airy falsetto that makes my heart melt because fuck, his voice is so pretty. His deep voice is so nice, too. I wish he'd sing more often.

I've resigned myself to humming, because my voice is destroyed still, and I don't particularly feel like swallowing glass this fine evening.

About half an hour passes before Tokoyami sits up, untangling his legs from Jirou's (without much help from her) and sitting back against the arm of the couch with crossed arms.

I briefly look over before looking back at the game on my phone. "You good, Fumi?"

"Not the-" he grumbles under his breath for a couple of seconds before dragging a hand over his face, pushing the pad of his thumb against the hook of his beak. "Nevermind. I have something important to talk about."

I turn off my phone and see the others do the same. Jirou slides into a sitting position and Shouji shifts onto his side, using his elbow to prop himself up.

Fumikage taps the end of his beak as his feathers ruffle slightly.

"I... I've been thinking for the past few weeks, about myself and my... attraction, to people, or... lack." He shakes his head like he's trying to erase an etch-a-sketch. "Shit. I don't know. This is stupid."

There's silence for a solid ten seconds before Shouji speaks up. "It's not stupid if it affects you this much. Go on. Lack of? Lack of attraction?"

Tokoyami hesitates, crossing his arms a little closer to himself before nodding stiffly. "I... I've never really felt feelings for anyone, regardless of gender, whether the feelings are sexual or romantic. I just," he shakes his head, gently this time, "I don't really know."

He pulls his legs up, wrapping his arms around them. "I think I may be aro-ace."

"Do you think that maybe you just haven't found the right person?" Jirou asks. "Not stompin' on your orientation or anything. Just out of curiosity. Like... You're not the most emotionally open guy, so do you think it's possible that you just haven't met someone that makes you feel those things?"

Tokoyami hums. "It's a possibility, definitely. I'm still only fifteen, so I have plenty of time to figure it out."

"And," Shouji interjects, "you might never. You may want to put a label on it as soon as you can, but there's no deadline for things like sexual orientation, or even gender identity. Things like those change all the time, so it can be difficult to find where you truly fit."

"Yeah," I decide to speak up. "Regardless, you're still our best friend and stuff like that doesn't affect our relationship with you."

Tokoyami takes a deep breath, and there are suddenly small tears lining the bottom of his eyes.

"Of course... I'm... I'm just afraid."

Jirou is by his side in record time, a comforting hand on his back. "What are you scared of?"