Perhaps a Better Place [A Dadzawa Story]

Lights: Chapter 3

     My eyes peel open to dim lighting in the teachers' lounge. I can see the top of Aizawa's head over his computer as I sit up.

     "Morning, kid. You've been out a while."

     "Yeah," I mumble as I rub the sleep from my eyes. "I needed that. What time is it, anyway? I need to catch Tokoyami before he leaves."

     Aizawa looks up and meets my eyes over his screen. "Everyone's gone. School's been over for two hours, it's almost 5 in the afternoon."

     I'm off the couch before he even finishes his sentence. This is not good. In fact, this is the opposite of good. This could even be considered bad. Very bad, yes, very bad.

     I haphazardly fold the blanket I used and put it on the back of the couch.

     "Thank you, Aizawa-Sensei," I say as I rush out of the lounge and down the hall. I break into a sprint as soon as I reach the ground floor.

     I'm in unbelievable amounts of trouble.

     Fuck.

***

     I lay in bed, my hand covering my swelling, red cheek. I feel tears run, going over the bridge of my nose and down toward my sheets.

     I feel so trapped in this room. I feel trapped in this house, in my own head. I need air, but I don't want to be caught outside.

     I tell myself I don't care about consequences, but then why do I flinch every time they raise their voices? Why don't I care until I'm face-to-face with what I hate most?

     I slip out of bed and pull my black hoodie over my head. I take my phone off the charger before sliding the window open and slipping out onto the fire escape. I quietly walk up to the roof, pulling the hood over my head just as I reach the top.

     "Hey."

     My head shoots up and I see Eraserhead standing by the ledge of the roof. He's patrolling. I'm kind of glad to see him, actually.

     "Hi," I respond quietly. My voice is raw from yelling. I walk forward, standing on the ledge beside him.

     I sometimes wonder what falling would feel like.

     "Are you feeling okay? You seemed troubled earlier."

     I look out at everything. The city at two in the morning just doesn't feel real.

     "I'm... I'm okay. Something came up. It's not important."

     "It seemed pretty important. That's the only time I've ever seen you panic."

     "It was nothing. Just drop it."

     I see him hesitate before nodding.

     "You should go to bed. It's late."

     I ignore him, continuing to stare out at the city.

     "Do you ever think... I don't know... Nevermind."

     "You can ask. It's fine."

     I breathe deeply.

     "Do you ever feel like you work really hard for something and just... fail, in the end? Everything seems to go wrong sometimes and it just... I don't know. All this effort, and for what? What's the outcome?"

     It's silent for a long time.

     "That probably doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry."

     "Don't apologize. I get what you're saying. Never apologize for how you feel."

     "... Sorry." He smiles softly and ruffles my hair, which no one has ever done before.

     "Go to bed, kid."

     "Alright," I say, stepping off the ledge. I turn and walk back to the fire escape, making my way to my bedroom window.

     I slip into my bed just as one more tear slips down my cheek, and then I'm surrounded by silent walls once again.

***

     I wake up in a cold bedroom. No birds, no stray cats in the alley, nothing besides people talking and crappy cars with bad mufflers outside.

     I slip out of the warm blankets and into the chill of the air.

     I undress from my t-shirt and sweatpants and slip on my uniform. I hate the skirt so much.

     I grab my backpack and slip silently out my bedroom door, only to come face-to-face with my mother. She's smiling.

     "Hey, Honey. I was just about to ask if you'd like a ride to school this morning? Maybe we could pick up breakfast on the way there. I hardly see you eat anymore."

     Her voice is too sweet. My stomach churns inside of me and I want to run back into my room.

     "Sure," I say with a small smile, despite my thoughts. "Let me just grab my wallet." She scoffs.

     "Nonsense. I can pay for it." She waves her hand dismissively. I smile again.

     "Alright, if you're sure."

     My mother nods as she slips on a pair of shoes and opens the door. I follow closely, making sure to lock the door behind me.

     She races me down the stairs, and I find myself laughing and running after her. I'm not exactly fast, so she beats me and cheers loudly. She runs a hand through my hair as I reach the bottom floor, pulling me closer and kissing my forehead.

     It's as if last night never even happened.

     We're in the car and on the road in no time. We stop by the convenience store and I get a bottle of orange juice and a chocolate chip muffin. She pays for my breakfast and for a bunch of snacks for herself, and then we're in the car again, driving me to school.

     When we pull up out front, Aizawa is walking down the sidewalk.

     "Ooooh, who's he? He's cute!"

     I mentally gag. "Ma, that's my teacher. Disgusting. Horrendous. I am leaving." She laughs loudly as I open my car door.

     She grabs the back of my shirt and pulls me into a tight hug. She plants kisses all over my face as I struggle to get out of her grip.

     "Ma, you're embarrassing me! Let me go! I don't have the energy for this."

     "Baby, you never have the energy for anything! Show mama some love!"

     I sigh and give her an awkward hug. This doesn't happen often, at all.

     Soon enough, I have escaped the car and my mom is driving away. My body deflates with another sigh as I fix my jacket.

     "She seemed nice," I hear my teacher's voice from a few feet away. I chuckle half-heartedly.

     "Yeah? She's my mom, isn't she supposed to be?"

     He shrugs in response and walks alongside me into the school.

     That was a genuine question. Aren't moms supposed to be nice? Why can't it be like that all the time?