And I still get those stupid butterflies | W.S

Stay Clear

I was sitting in the white cold room waiting for my results. My mom was squeezing my hand so hard it hurt. Doctor Wright finally walked into the room holding a clipboard. Once he sat down he cleared his throat and began talking.

"I'm sorry to inform you with this but it turns out Paige has Acute Myeloid Leukemia..." My life changed at that moment all it took was for him to say one simple word Leukemia. My whole body felt numb. All I could hear was my mom's quiet and broken sobs. He kept talking and talking about treatment and symptoms and assuring me that everything was gonna be okay. I didn't say anything all I did was sit there in the black chair frozen.

We left after. Getting into the car my mom was now bawling her eyes out. it's was completely silent besides the radio. This isn't real, this isn't real. I thought. I kept repeating that phrase to myself. Maybe if I said that enough it would all be just a dream (more like a nightmare.) Once we were at our house I couldn't hold it in anymore I just collapsed onto the floor my hands covering my face. My mom sat on the floor and wrapped me up in her arms holding me.

She kept on holding on to me tears were dripping off of my face. After sitting there for what seemed like a very long time I got up assuring my mom that I was okay. If I'm gonna be honest I don't even know if I believe that. I feel like I'm the opposite of okay but I didn't want my mom worrying about me she has enough things to worry about. I took a shower after.

While in the shower I thought about why this was happening to me. I'm 19 I was supposed to be parting, going to college, and going out with friends. Instead, I'm in a new city, in a new house, I have no friends, I couldn't go to college, and to add the cherry on top I was just diagnosed with leukemia. I kept thinking and thinking and replaying that moment in the doctor's office and before I knew it I was in the shower for 2 hours.

"Paige, Honey are you okay?" My mom yelled concerned clearly in her voice.

"Ya, I'm okay," I told her. I got out of the shower changing into some new clothes. I walked out of the bathroom. The dinner was already done so I sat down at the table. I didn't feel hungry so I only picked at my food.

"How was work?" My mom asked eating some of the spaghetti she made.

"It was good kinda boring." I got a job a week ago. I work in a coffee shop called coffee express. At the beginning of the month, Me and my mom moved to London. Even though I'm 19 I still moved in with her since she's the only family that I have and she's like my best friend. My hand was on my chin my eye lids half closed I was exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep and forget for a second that this day ever happened.

"Hey mom I'm gonna go to sleep I love you goodnight." I got up to hug her she hugged me back.

"I love you too sweetie goodnight." I walked away into my room and laid down closing my eyes but couldn't seemed to fall asleep. I eventually got up grabbing a notebook I had on my nightstand and started writing.