And I still get those stupid butterflies | W.S

My Lullaby For You

Wilbur's P.o.v

The five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I went through all of them except the 5th one.

𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐀𝐋

I didn't believe she was dead. I did stuff to distract myself like editing videos or watching movies and shows eating out but everything reminded me of her. And when I wake up in the morning I forget she passed away for one second and then I remember and break down in tears.

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑

She didn't deserve this she was only 22. She wanted to go to college. she wanted to be a mom why did this have to happen to her. It wasn't supposed to be her time I love her. I love her so very much and now she's gone. I got up trying to find anything to break I picked up something without looking at it and I smashed it on the ground. I realised what I did it was a picture frame of me and her at our wedding. She looked beautiful she always did. "No No No!" I panicked. I went on the ground looking at the scattering pieces of glass "Fuck!" I yelled I couldn't do this anymore I couldn't live without her I didn't know how to live without her.

𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆

What if I had woken up a little earlier or maybe set my alarm earlier so I could call the ambulance a little sooner. Maybe she could be with me right now. We could be cooking breakfast and putting on music. She'll be dancing along without a care in the world and we would be laughing at our horrible dancing. If I had to I would give my life up for her to be alive. I would do anything for her to be alive again.

𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

I stayed on the couch I couldn't bare to sleep in that bed again. I haven't gotten up and streamed in weeks. I hadn't posted anything either. I felt weak, tired, sad, and lonely. I was the most lonely I had ever felt. Kate's been checking up on me making sure I was okay. Really the only social interaction I get is either talking to Kate and talking in a discord call with my friends and even then I only say a few words. But I couldn't do this anymore I just wanted to disappear. I missed her so fucking much.

𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

Wilbur's P.o.v: present day

It's been 4 months since Paige passed away. I missed her more and more every single day. Even though seeing a picture of her or simply thinking of her name brings me pain I don't regret it. I don't regret meeting her at the cafe or taking her out for lunch or kissing her or even saying three words to her that held so much meaning 'I love you' I don't regret any of it I never will.

I decided to finally look through her stuff so I could give it away or keep it. I opened up her nightstand in one of the drawers it was the book. I held it up our first conversation was about this book the rose from the picnic I gave her was in it.

I then opened up the other drawer to see her journal she wrote in every single day. I saw it had a post-it note on it. It said For my Wilbur. I picked it up opening up the black book to see her favorite quotes and pages writing about her day was and how she feels she even wrote about me. The last page was a letter for me I read it and when I finished the page tears were streaming down my face onto the paper.

I walked out of the room grabbing my keys and journal and went into my car. I drove and drove until I was at the garden. The place where Paige and I talked and watch the stars for hours on end. It wasn't in the best shape it wasn't as colorful as before. Despite that, it was still somehow beautiful. I sat on the ground covering my face with my hands. I pulled out the journal reading the last page again and again word afterword I read it so many times I memorized it.

I realized something that as much as I convinced myself that she wasn't dead she was. I saw her lifeless body I felt her none existed pulse. I heard them pronounce that she was dead I saw her being carried away. As much as I didn't want to believe it I had to.

I will never be able to see her again or talk to her or hug her or kiss her I won't be able to do any of those things because she's dead. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes and I cried for what seems like the hundredth time today.

"I love you Dorothy always"