And I still get those stupid butterflies | W.S

Journal Entry #15

December 24th, 2020

I don't want to die but it looks like I will.

If I die I will never see Wil, Kate, and my mom, and all my other friends I made along the way.

I'm gonna miss Wil and everything about him I'm gonna miss his voice his hugs and kisses our jokes and conversations. His dancing and singing. Heck, even those stupid butterflies that I still get. I won't get them anymore once I'm gone.

Why can't time stop for one second. what was the point for me meeting him and him meeting me if I was just gonna end up dying. Why does life have to be so fucking unfair? I don't want to leave just yet but I have a feeling that I will soon.

Now I know your reading this Wil. And if you are I probably have died. Don't think of this as a goodbye note. It's like a so long see you again type of note. Now here's something important don't be sad. I don't want to hold you back. If it helps just imagine us in the garden. We're listening to music lying on the soft grass our hands intertwined staring at the blue sky and the white clouds. Just imagine that scene the perfect day the perfect weather the perfect moment. And even when I'm gone I'm still always gonna be with you in spirit. I'm always gonna love you no matter where we both are. There's a quote that goes like "The way I feel about him is like a heartbeat soft and persistent, underlying everything." That's how I feel about you and a whole lot more. The reason I wrote this journal well if I'm gonna be honest I don't know why I wrote this journal in the first place. The first page was fucking depressing. But the more and more I wrote in it It got happier and happier. I just want you to look at each page and see and know how much I love you. Now so long Benedict until we meet again I love you always.