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Love and acceptance weren't emotions Levi usually experienced. This was all happening so fast, his relationship with you was deepening so quickly he found himself wondering at times whether this was the right thing. Hearing you said that you loved him actually made him sad, you were young compared to him, he didn't want to hurt you.
CHAPTER 20- RIGHT OR WRONG CHOICE? Always and Forever ~
He looked at your innocent smile, the way the corners of your mouth turned upwards, your pearly teeth on show. Biting his cheek hard, he didn't know how to respond.
It's not that he didn't love you, he just didn't like where this was going. Things between you two were maturing ever so rapidly, he knew that in this word there was no way of telling when either of you would never come back.
He didn't want to stay silent for too long, as that would be suspicious. Oh what to do? He furrowed his brows and clenched his teeth. A simple 'thank you' slipped out of his mouth. He looked away awkwardly.
This took you aback - did he just say thank you? Your smile faded slowly and you blankly quizzically at him. Your eyes widened a little when you realised what he was trying to say.
Oh. Maybe he doesn't love you as much as you love him.
Rubbing the back of your neck, you avoided his eyes. "No problem." You replied, scratching your thumb nail on the tea cup he had just given you.
Questions raced in your mind. We're you just overthinking this whole situation? Levi isn't very affectionate, maybe this is his way of saying 'I love you' back? But he took so long to reply? What if he never loved you in the first place? You are significantly younger than him, less experienced...
What if he never loved you in the first place?
"I'm going to get some bread, do you want some?" You mumbled, scratching your arm instead before getting up off the ground. He shook his head and looked up at the sky.
What if he never loved you in the first place?
While you were shuffling through the paper bag filled with bread, millions of questions raced in Levi's mind.
What if she realised I took too long to answer? What if she doesn't like me anymore? What if she likes me less now? Will she go to someone else? Will she leave me like everyone else did?
What if she'll leave me?
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Munching on the bread, the two of you sat in an awkward silence, Levi played with the sleeve of his uniform jacket. Swallowing, you decided to break the silence.
"If you don't love me back, it's alright. If you don't mind, I'd like to still be friends." You said, playing with the grass. Levi's heart sank. "No..." He whispered, lowering his head. "No?" You said, misunderstanding what he meant.
No? No as in, he never loved me in the first place.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't say the simple phrase: I like you too. He wanted to punch himself, he wanted to scream and shout it at the top of his lungs. But he couldn't.
"I think we should go back now, I've got a lot of work to do." Levi whispered. You felt your stomach knot. This was supposed to be a nice day out together, what happened? Why is everything happening so quickly? "Ok." You said flatly, ignoring him completely and walking swiftly to your horse.
Levi watched you watch away with heavy heart, walking away, getting further and further away. Soon enough, you'd walk so far that he wouldn't be able to see you anymore. And you would've walked out of his life completely...
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Awkward was an understatement to describe the ride back. The two rode in absolute silence. As you rode on your horse, you found that the scenery wasn't as nice to look at anymore. Things that you used to enjoy weren't as exhilarating as they used to be.
Clenching your jaw tightly, you watched Levi ride effortlessly in front of you. He was so pretty. Sighing, you thought about the conversation you two had just had. He'd gone from giving you a special tea cup with the words 'to my beloved' on the bottom, to staying that he didn't even want to be friends anymore. How dare he?
Anger bubbled up inside you as the two of you rode over the hill that revealed the scout headquarters. Reiner and Bertholdt sat in front, nibbling on some food. You forgot that they were the only two there, since everyone else was at a training session.
Riding down towards them, you kept off your horse, rather wanting to be with anyone else than Levi at this very moment. Reiner and Bertholdt waved at the two of you, finishing up their food.
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After putting your horses away, the two of you joined Reiner and Bertholdt again. The two of them seemed to be mumbling about something. Carrying the paper bags filled with food, you stopped before going inside to put them away to greet Reiner and Bertholdt.
"Hey guys, how's the building going?" You asked cheerfully, trying to pretend you hadn't just had your heart broken a few minutes ago. "It's a hard job, I'll tell you that." Bertholdt laughed, wiping his brow.
"Do you need any help?" You asked. Levi narrowed his eyes as Reiner thanked you and agreed to you helping them. "I'll do it, you take these inside." He said pointing to the food in your hands, and the cleaning supplies he was carrying.
You looked down at him agitatedly. "Didn't you say you had lots of work to do?" You said, raising your eyebrow. Shit, Levi forgot he made up that excuse. Nodding, he gripped the supplies in his hand tightly, making his knuckles go white. "Be careful." He muttered.
He heard you say 'You don't need to worry about me' as he walked off.
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After putting the food away, you followed Reiner and Bertholdt to the storage room they were fixing. It was an absolute tip: old, mouldy planks of wood lay on the floor, a box of rusty nails sat on a tree stump and a blunt hammer lay limply next to it.
"How are you supposed to rebuild it with these shitty supplies?" You scoffed, looking at the storage room. The two boys stood behind you, you could hear them chuckle.
Until it abruptly stopped. Turning round to see if they were ok, you battered your eyelashes. Your eyes darted between them, as they both looked at each other shifty. "Is everything ok?" You asked.
