D E S I D E R I U M || l.p imagines

gone for good

A/N : uhhhh very VERY sad so um buckle up, grab ya tissues and try your best to enjoy (if you cry blame the person who asked for more sad stories). also listen to the song above, it do be adding effect and lots of tears. it's also kinda long so bare with.

sorry i haven't updated in a while i've been busy living life😫✌🏻loads of covid restrictions have been lifted in the uk so i be having fun.

⚠️TW death innit, depression, suicide, crying louis⚠️ please dont read if you know it will be sensitive, also i'm not trying to romanticise suicide or depression and if you ever are struggling with these issues then do not hesitate to send me a message, they're always open for everyone and i love you all. ending things isnt going to make things better and you have your whole life is worth living so hang on i promise things get better❤️

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LOUIS' POV
there i was, stood outside of the large church listening to the daunting ring of the bell. i stared into space as i felt tears form in my eyes.

i really tried my best to stay strong for y/n, that's what she would have wanted right?

today was the day she would be gone for good. her funeral, the final goodbye.

i can't help but blame myself for what happened, i should have been there for her when shit got tricky. she didn't tell me she was struggling, but i should have noticed she wasn't the same. my job was to love and protect her but all i could do now was dwell on what i didn't do.

*time skip*
everyone had found seats in the church, me and my family were up at the front with her parents. my heavy eyes eventually gave in and cried streams for my late girlfriend.

only three days ago, they had asked me to give a speech. i wasn't the best with words unless someone else wrote them for me of course but i couldn't have help for his.

it got to the point where they asked me to come up and give me speech. i was shaking, tears still falling profusely from my eyes.

i took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and spoke, "hi everyone, uh my name is louis partridge and you may know me as y/n's boyfriend. honestly i couldn't really put all of my emotions to words but i tried my best. there's nowhere really to start with her, she was just the kindest most caring person i had ever met and she knew exactly how to make everyone happy and help them whenever things were tough. she saved me, as soppy as it sounds, she really did. and so many other people too. i just want to say we were all lucky to have her in our lives, a beautiful, generous, and loving soul." i took yet another deep breath, i doubt any of that made sense.

more tears came to everyone's eyes and mine included.

the service ended and everyone paid their respects at y/n's casket. i went up last with my mum, i just looked at her lifeless-self and took her cold hand in mine for the last time. she looked just as beautiful as ever, wearing the dress she wore on our first date three years ago.

"thankyou, for tonight i mean" y/n said with a wide smile.
"no thankyou, we should do this again some time?" i suggested nervously.
"i'd love to" and with that she kissed me gently and went inside, closing the door behind her. i just stood on the porch, smiling like an idiot.

i wanted nothing more than to hold her tight in my arms again, to kiss her one last time. i never knew that our last kiss would be the last.

"cmon darling" my mum said softly, rubbing my back. they needed to take her now, to turn her to ashes.
i started sob at this point, i couldn't say goodbye.
"no" i mumbled. "louis i understand it's hard for you but-" i cut her off.