Little Tommy Becket.

Chapter 15

I couldn't understand why I did it but I do know that it was the first thing I could think of. I was a despicable person. I wasn't very fond of myself and I couldn't see why Kevin still was.

I had lied. I lied to get out of telling the truth and having to ultimately embarrass myself.

I looked Kevin right in the eye and used my best friend's death as an excuse. Who would do such a mean thing? Me, that's who. Instead of telling the truth or making something else up, I played the sympathy card.

Ever since Maggie's death I've been avoiding anyone who dared to look at me sympathetically, yet there I was asking Kevin for the very thing I despised.

This boy had me up in all kinds of knots.

He was very understanding about my lie which is probably why I knew the lie would work. The truth was that when he asked me about my outburst the day before, I didn't want to admit that his rejection of me hurt more than it should.

I know if Maggie were alive we would be at our favourite ice-cream store laughing about my own idiocy, instead I'm sitting alongside a gorgeous man riddled in guilt. I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth as I always did when I had something to say that I know I shouldn't.

"Are you sure you're okay Tori? You look constipated." Kevin finally stopped scribbling on his page and looked to me pitifully. My cheeks flamed and I let my lip fall out my mouth with a loud pop.

"I'm fine," I answered. I ran a gentle finger across my lip to ease the pain caused by my teeth. I hoped I didn't still look constipated. Regardless of how he felt towards me, there was still a small part of me that insisted on changing his mind. Looking constipated was not the way.

"You can talk to me you know. I understand that Maggie's death must be really hard to deal with." This conversation was not easing my guilt.

"I'm okay," I snapped. I cringed when I saw the shock flash across his face. "Sorry. It's just that I don't really want to talk about this."

He nodded reassuringly. "Maybe that's the problem."

"Nope, no problem here." I nodded and added a large- quite fake- smile on my face.

"I think you're lying." Crap!

"W- who me? Never!" My voice squeaked and I was sure he knew how false I was.

"Tori look at me." His voice was low and barely above a whisper. He grabbed my hands and held them firm in his. He entwined our fingers and I noticed that it was the first time we ever held hands like this.

Great, I thought. He just ruined hand holding for me. No one could ever feel as good as his hands did in mine. I let out an embarrassing sigh of contentment and looked into his magnificent clear eyes.

"Don't shy away from your feelings. You can't lie to me. I know the truth." My eyes bugged out. What? How? I was so careful! He couldn't know I was easily falling in love with him, could he?

I cleared my throat and searched the room awkwardly. We were in the far end of the library again and thank goodness there was nothing but large dusty shelves surrounding us. I both loved and hated the solidarity at this point. It felt amazing to be alone with Kevin but now that he held my hands possessively and was staring into my eyes demanding I tell him my feelings, I was only feeling awkward.

"I don't understand."

That's how you avoid a potentially life damaging question- you play dumb.

He sighed heavily, "Tori I know you're still mourning. You haven't gone through all the stages of grief yet."

Whew! He was still oblivious. All is right with the world.

"You're right, but I am okay Kevin. How about we continue working."

"I don't think so. We're going to talk."

"Why?" I asked cautiously. In my experience with Kevin, not a lot of good ever came out of talking.

"There is still so much we need to know about each other. Maybe getting your mind off things will help your discomfort today." If only he knew that the very thing on my mind was the thing I'd have to listen to.

I rolled my eyes and reluctantly nodded. He grinned and my heart soared. "I'll start. Why do you want to be an architect?"

I groaned, "that isn't very original. We had to answer that in first year." He looked at me sharply and I sighed. "Fine. I love designing and I've always had a fascination with buildings, specifically 19th century buildings."

"I can see that about you."

"What do you mean?"I asked; feeling slightly offended. Was he calling me old?

"I just mean that you seem like the kind of person who appreciates the finer things in life."

"Oh. Thanks." I smiled. "What's your home life like?"

He gasped, "that's a loaded question." I gave him the same stern look he gave me. He grunted in response. "I'm a child of four whose parents live by the coast. I stay in University residence which is how I'm able to attend this school. My parents aren't very religious but always believed that attending church on a Sunday morning was a way of life. I never really understood why they attended church but didn't believe in any of it. I have three older sisters so I like to believe I'm good at understanding the female mind." He smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"Is that so?" I asked teasingly.

"Of course. There isn't anything I don't know about the female mind."

"Prove it. Tell me what I'm thinking."

"I'm not psychic." He scoffed. I laughed.

"You said you knew how my mind works. You're just full of yourself, admit it."

He held his hands up in surrender. "Never. If there's one thing I know about women is that you all change your minds faster than I change my underwear. You've probably thought of three different things already."

I laughed loud and hard. He wasn't wrong.

My stomach began to hurt from all the laughing that I had to try desperately to quieten after the librarian reprimanded us.

I wiped my tears that gratefully were from laughter for a change. Once my body had calmed down I noticed Kevin staring at me with a soft expression. His eyes were bright with humour and amazement and his lips were etched gently in a sweet smile.

"What?" I asked.

"You're happy?" It was more of a question so I nodded. "That's all I ever want from you."

I smiled and busied myself. We lapsed into a comfortable silence as we worked on Maggie's Home.

No matter how hard I tried, he always found some way of making me fall for him a little more. If only the feelings were mutual.