Little Tommy Becket.

Chapter 26

Serenity Camp of Eden was what you’d expect from its name. The cabin was in a secluded forest area that was privately owned and only had two bedrooms which suited me perfectly. The wooden exterior made the cabin seem old and rustic which also suited me perfectly. The cabin rested on a large piece of land surrounded by wild herbivores and included at least ten other cabins spread out across the distance. The website mentioned how the cabin boasted in providing calm getaways and privacy. The highlight of the cabin though, was the caption that stood in bold on the top of the webpage: No technology available and no cell phone coverage.

It was exactly what I needed to clear my head. I could spend my free time working on our project and deciding how to deal with the pent up disorganised emotions storming inside of me. I brought Tommy along because regardless of my fathers’ accusations, I was looking out for him and I had his best interest at heart.

Tommy lay in his carry-on that I held next to me. I stared at the beautiful cabin and ascended the stairs. The boards creaked under my weight and a strong whiff of tree sap hit my nostrils as a gush of wind blew past. I pulled the key out of my pocket that the unfriendly reception lady gave me after I verified my booking. I was fortunate that my unplanned holiday fell in their dry season. From what the website suggested, they were usually sold out during peak seasons.

I pushed the door open and was happy not to see or smell any dust. The room was stale and stuffy so I left the door open and strolled around looking for all the windows I could open. There were many, which helped get air circulating in the house faster. I placed Tommy on the couch and made sure he was tightly secured in his seat. I rushed to the car and as fast as my legs would allow, emptied the car of all our belongings. The cabin was self catering and since I had only booked the cabin for the remainder of the week, I decided to stop on our way and stock up on groceries. There was a trunk load of grocery bags.

I was exhausted after emptying the car and packing everything away that by the time I was done, it was already lunch time. I fed Tommy and then spent the afternoon playing with him until it was time for his nap. I was beyond relieved when he finally fell asleep. It gave me an hour at most to catch up on my own lack of sleep. I laid Tommy on the bed and then cuddled with him. He fell asleep quickly and I followed his lead. I didn’t dream and I was happy for that. Who knew what or who would drift through into my dreams?

I groaned in bed and felt something hit my face hard two hours later. I winced and opened my eyes. Tommy’s leg was under my chin and his large dove eyes were watching me. He lay beside me, entertaining himself with his own voice. I smiled and kissed his head. “Tommy did you just kick Aunt Tori?” I joked. Tommy squealed and then giggled at me. I laughed along with him and he giggled louder. I wanted to hear his laugh again and it made me realise that I hadn’t heard it in a while. I frowned, maybe my father was right.

No, I needed to stop thinking about that.

I distracted myself by reaching over to Tommy and tickling his stomach. He squealed and gurgled while his little frame withered around. I did it again and I got the same reaction. I laughed.

I held my hands above his stomach and before I touched him, he laughed from the anticipation. We played like that for a while before I decided we needed a walk. I found Tommy’s pram and once he was secure, we went for a leisurely walk around our new home. We walked for a while through dry and dead grass not seeing any wild animals. It was alright because the quiet chirping of the birds and the gentle whoosh of the wind gave me time to think.

I was frustrated with my parents, I was hurt because of Kevin and I was confused with my relationship with Dean. I didn’t know what to think or what to believe anymore. I was angry that my parents would think so poorly of Maggie but I was furious that they would believe her to be a bad influence on me. I was lucky to have a friend like Maggie. My life had been a mess since she left me and yet my parents had the audacity to assume she was only holding me back.

No one saw Maggie the way I did. No one saw her generosity, her big heart, her empathy and general consideration of everyone before herself. No one could look past her pierced skin and tattered clothing to see the girl I loved more than myself. She was the only person to ever see me for who I was and not for the quiet and do-gooder girl the world always saw.

Maggie saw the girl who wanted to live, the one who wanted memories that would last a life time and who wanted to make stories worth telling. She saw the girl inside of me who was crying out to be seen. How could anyone say that she was anything but wonderful? She wasn’t a bad influence, she was the greatest influence. I sighed as I turned down a path and found a bench. I could still see our cabin in the distance so I decided not to travel further.

I sat on the bench and turned Tommy’s pram so that he faced me. He was busy playing with his hands and a toy. Occasionally he would look around but he seemed content in his own bubble. I chose not to disturb him.

I turned my head to look up into the clear blue sky above me. “I wish you were here Maggie. You would know what to do.” Tears fell down my cheeks and I let them.

This holiday was about escaping the world around me from my distractions, temptations and frustrations. I needed these few days of seclusion to figure out where my life was headed and what areas needed trimming. I was thinking that my relationship with Dean was probably a good place to start.

Dean with his deep and gorgeous green eyes were definitely a distraction but the more I dug into my feelings for him, the more I realised that that was all Dean was. He was a distraction. My relationship with Dean was a distraction from the mess of not having one with Kevin as well as from the grief I had yet to deal with.

Dean was my escape away from the real world. I forgot everything when I was with him and, though it seemed great in the moment, it didn’t help solve anything. Once we came up for air and he no longer distracted me, my problems were still there and unsolved.

He was my crutch. True he served as a handsome crutch but he was useless to me. I was attracted to him, which helped but I wasn’t being fair on him if I continued to lead him on. I would be just like Kevin if I did. Oh Kevin, there lied another issue. I couldn’t deny it anymore. The truth was that I was crazy, madly and frustratingly in love with Kevin Smith.

I loved his smirks, his grins and his smiles. I loved the way he would blush when I embarrassed him and the way he called me beautiful as though it were just another name, even though it meant everything to me. I loved his ability to make me feel completely at ease and how my body buzzed with excitement when he was near. I loved the way my stomach flipped or the way I felt queasy when he looked at me. I loved the sound of his laugh and how he always found a way to make me laugh.

I loved his eyes and how they always stared directly into mine when he spoke to me. I mostly loved how he treated Tommy. To Kevin, Tommy wasn’t a nuisance or an obstruction. To Kevin, Tommy was a precious baby who deserved all the love he could get. To him, Tommy always came first in every decision or activity. With Kevin I never blanked out on my responsibilities.

I groaned, “great, my parents were right. Dean is a bad influence.” I grumbled and watched the birds flock around me.