19. Fragments

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Well people, I really appreciate all the comments on the last chapter. I'm still not entirely sure as to where to take the story...or well, I do, I just don't know how to get there quite yet. But don't worry, the updates will continue to come. 

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Kissing Alexander in public had been a mistake.

Scratch that.

Kissing him had been a mistake.

Not only was the entire school now aware that I was dating a vampire, they new he was Vampire Royalty. Luckily for me the concealment charm still hid the bite-marks on my neck, but that didn't stop the other students from passing judgment. Just like Albus had predicted, my relationship with the Vampire Prince was frowned upon, and I quickly became the target for many a cruel joke. It wasn't quite bullying, but that was only because I didn't take crap from anyone.

In my emotional state after my confrontation with Severus I had dragged Alexander to someplace more private, more secluded, and let him feed from me again. Angry at myself for having become so desperate for the momentary relief he offered from my heartache I had also made sure he  left rather quickly after that. Alexander was worried, preoccupied about my morose state of mind, and had offered to come by  more often. 

Fred and George had been baffled by the revelation about me and Alexander, but unlike most other people, they stuck with me. I was really grateful for their friendship, and it was appreciated all the more when they not only accepted me like nothing had happened, but also cracked jokes about the whole vampire-thing.

Dealing with all this emotional conflict in my life had taken it's toll. There were purple bags under my eyes, my lips were dry and chaffed, and my skin had an unhealthy white pallor to it. Sleep had eluded me for quite some time now, and I had spent many a sleepless night wondering how I could fix this mess I'd gotten myself in.

Finally I decided I had to break things off with Alexander.

I had come to the realization a while ago. Hell, I'd probably known things wouldn't work out between him and me before there even was an us. But I had also been avoiding breaking up with him, for the simple reason I didn't want to be alone. I had always been a firm believer in that people needed to be able to function alone, to be independent, before they got into a serious relationship. I had also always held onto the belief that it wasn't worth stringing someone along when you knew the feelings you once had for that person were no longer there. And yet, I'd been ignoring my own advice, fighting my own beliefs, and all because I was scared. Scared I wouldn't be able to cope, scared I wouldn't be able to keep things together once I was on my own. Because despite the fact that I knew Alexander wasn't the one for me, he was currently the only one who brought even the smallest resemblance of normalcy to my life.... the one keeping me together. He was funny, and kind, and gentle, and he could make me laugh. He was willing to do mundane things with me like take a walk or accompany to the supermarket, if I happened to get the desire to do so. He wanted to me to be happy, and would do anything to make me happy.

And yet he wasn't the one who could.

I wished with all my heart for him to be the one I truly desired, for him to be the one I wanted.

But he wasn't.

And I had to stop lying to myself about it.

I had to tell him.

So, about a week after the incident with Umbridge, I asked him to meet me outside at the shore of the Great Lake.

It was a dark night, the moon occasionally peeping from behind a heavy layer of clouds that cast a gray and black shadow across the castle grounds. A harsh wind was blowing, and I as I stood on the pebbled shore I wrapped my cloak tighter around my shivering frame.

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