Forbidden Fantasies (Darkest Desire Book 2)

36. To Separate The Lies From Truth

I was debating whether or not to go straight to Albus and demand  a bloody explanation as to why he'd conveniently failed to mention that the the Divinations teacher he kept on staff, and who everyone thought to be a sham, was actually a damn Seer. A real one!

Over the years I'd picked up the ability to recognize a real prophecy when I heard one, and although in the Wizarding World they were pretty common, it still was quite a feat to find a Seer that wasn't trying to scam you with vague answers and bogus palm-readings.

But the words Sybilla had spoken echoed around in my head like a broken record, and all I could think about was what the Seer might have meant with her words. Did it have to do with me? With Severus? Our child?

And if they did.....what could I do about it?

Not much, that was for sure. After all, if there's one thing my two hundred years of life experience had thought me was that trying to chance the future more likely than not would bring about those very same events one was trying to avoid. There was a reason why the Ministry kept the time-turners under lock and key with more vigor than a garden gnome would cling to a vegetable. 

And yet, as much as I tried to ignore it, a gnawing feeling at the pt of my stomach was forming, a feeling I couldn't quite shake. Something was eluding me, something important. And it had to do with my child.

My baby.

The thought brought into mind with an unprecedented clarity that I had about 99 problems, and secretly being pregnant with Severus's child was about 64 of them. The Order was fighting a secret battle against the Dark Lord, my  Soul Mate was playing the double agent to both sides, Harry somehow was the key to all this and Albus was about as useful as a white crayon in helping me try and figure things out.

Hell, for someone with my age and expertise I was doing a phenomenal job of fucking things up.

Unconsciously my hand had traveled down my stomach, the idea of life growing beneath my fingertips as miraculous and mesmerizing as the thought of finally being able to hold my child in only a short few weeks. I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl, not really. I knew most women secretly hoped for one thing or the other, despite the obligated 'I'll be happy if it's healthy'. With everything that was going on in my life, I'd be more than happy than to make it through unscathed and with a child I could hold in my arms. 

And then there was the teeny-tiny issue of telling Severus.

By now, the lies I'd been telling had been going on too long to back down now, despite something inside me declaring I should tell him, dammed be the consequences. I could only imagine how hurt he'd be, how betrayed. He would hate me, that much I knew. Soulmate or no soulmate, Severus was probably the only one in the entire universe who didn't get the memo on that particular subject. 

My feet had been carrying through empty hallways and deserted corridors, my mind wandering as I thought about my options. Quite frankly, there weren't many left at this point. I'd made things incredibly difficult for myself, in an attempt to not put those I cared about in danger. And how was that working out for me? Everyone around me seemed to be in just as much trouble as they'd been in before I came along, if not more so. 

The idea that in the next few days all students would be taking their OWLS at Hogwarts was almost laughable. With everything that was going on, with Umbridge in charge and Albus gone, what was there left for me here at school? I'd agreed to stay on as a student as a diversion, as a way to go unnoticed. I wasn't doing a particularly stellar job at that to begin with. I was starting to feel caged, promise to my parents to stay put be dammed.