Forbidden Fantasies (Darkest Desire Book 2)

31. Tough Choices

Mauw! Hey there people! I know I haven't updated this story in a while and for that I apologize. I was working on a Halloween short story as of recently (you can find it on my profile it's called The Hedge Maze and I'm co-writing it with the amazing @ssouders , who's been amazing and very supportive and you should check out her work as well), ever since I obsessively watched Penny Dreadful. I mean...Timothy Dalton ladies and gentlemen, c'mon! Anyways I'll wrap this story up in about five chapters I'd think, and then see how quickly I can start the sequel. Don't forget to comment and vote please.

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I returned to Hogwarts after my tumultuous visit to Henry. It had brought back many unwarranted memories, spending time with him as he tried to find out as much as he could about me and the baby. Henry and I had always been close friends, and there had been a time when I had perhaps thought we could be more than that. But then a chain of events in my life had occurred which caused me to reconsider some things in my life, and I'd distanced myself from the people I held dear. Isolated myself as to not get hurt by the passage of time wrecking havoc on those who weren't like me, causing death and illness while I stood by, unchanged.

I'd let my fear of getting hurt get in the way of a relationship, and it wasn't until I had met Dominic that I'd allowed myself to get invested emotionally into someone again. And look how that turned out, my subconscious hissed venomously at the memories of all the hurt and pain Dominic had caused me. 

And here I was, yet again invested emotionally and physically in a relationship which so far had brought me nothing but hurt and pain. And this time there was no turning back, no chance to pull away from the one I cared so deeply about. For he was my soulmate, the one fate intended for me. This time there would be no  turning my back on the matter, no way to distance myself from what was tearing me apart on the inside.

But what was I to do? Finish my supposed final year at Hogwarts? I was pregnant for Christ's sake! If my pregnancy was indeed accelerated like my growth had been during my childhood, I was in for one hell of a ride. I'd have to start using concealment spells to hide my distended stomach, as if getting more secretive towards the people I had befriended over the past year wasn't enough already. And I still hadn't made up my mind as to whether or not to tell Severus. Should I tell him? Could I tell him he was to become a father? I didn't think he'd take the news well. Hell, I wasn't even certain his feelings for me were genuine. And here I was, carrying his child. My mind wandered to the things Albus had hinted at during our conversations, and all the information I'd been able to acquire over the course of the past two years. Severus was a spy for Albus, one places inside Voldemort's inner circle. Could I risk blowing his cover like that? If anything living such a double life had made it impossible for Severus to get close to anyone. And here I was, barging in and ruining everything. Such secrets required complete focus, total concentration. Why risk something like that for news he might not even take kindly? 

As those thoughts raced through my head I wandered through the empty hallways and deserted corridors, aimlessly letting my feet carry me wherever they saw fit. It was still early, so I needn't worry about getting caught by Filch or another teacher patrolling the hallways. There were still a few students around, but it was Sunday evening, so most had retired to their dormitories already.  My thoughts wandered from my pregnancy to Fred and George, who I hadn't seen much of in the past few weeks. I felt bad for having let myself become so distracted by other matters that I'd almost entirely forgotten about the friends I'd made here. After Arthur's attack I'd found it increasingly difficult to stay focused on things happening at Hogwarts. Harry, Ron and Hermione were like a world apart, friends I chatted with occasionally but never really got to know. Same thing went for the rest of the members of the Order. I mean, besides Remus and Sirius, who did I get to know on a personal basis? Tonks I got along with, but she seemed to have been avoiding me ever since I returned from Paris with Remus and Sirius. The latter who was still mad at me for keeping secrets I could hardly tell him about. And Remus? the man had enough on his mind, and now I'd dropped this huge burden of keeping y secrets onto his shoulders as well.