Forbidden Fantasies (Darkest Desire Book 2)

26. What is There to Say?

I was awakened rather abruptly.

Severus trashing and mumbling in his sleep was enough to rouse me from my already light sleep. I found myself looking up into the perpetual darkness of the room, my eyes taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. With my enhanced senses it wasn't difficult to see, and turning my head slightly I was startled when Severus arched his back, clearly in pain.

I'd fallen asleep with him in my arms, but he'd moved away from me during the night. Now I reached for him again, feeling his pain as if it was my own. Pulling him closer he fought me, even when he was still soundly asleep. His body contorting as he tried to pull away from me I could see how his dreams were haunting him, causing him physical distress as his mind tried to fight the pain coming from within.

No longer able to stay quiet I whispered his name ever so softly, and it had an immediate effect. He stilled, head rolling from side to side, as if fighting the effects of some painful memory. Again I said his name, this time reaching to cup his face, unsure whether or not he'd pull away again. But I couldn't stand the sight of seeing him hurt like this, and if there was anything I could do about it.....I would. No questions asked.

The moment my hand cupped his jaw, his eyes snapped open, those onyx depths unseeing as his hands snatched my wrist in an iron grip. I whimpered as he growled, a low sound in the back of his throat as a muscle in his jaw ticked angrily. Feeling the bones in my wrist grinding painfully against eachother I tried to fight him, scared by the sudden turn of events.

"Severus..." I breathed "It's me"

No response.

Instead I was pulled flush against him as he pinned me underneath his body, unable to move. There was nothing sensuous about it, no, this was a fight for control, one I was losing. Badly.

His eyes were like darkness liquefied, pools of endless black that seemed to look right through me.

Was he even awake? Was this just some nightmare he couldn't wake up from?

"Stop" I pleaded "Please...you're hurting me"

Again his head twitched, and this time his hair fell in front of his face, as he had now forced me into submission, his rigid stance domineering in a frightening way as I tried not to give in to the urge to fight him. It wouldn't do us any good. He probably wasn't even aware of his own actions, his body going into overdrive at perceiving a supposed threat while his mind fought against the nightmares haunting him.

"Severus...." I begged, unable to keep the edge of fear out of my voice "You're....you are scaring me. They're not real. The nightmares? They aren't real. Please...just, just let me go"

Maybe it was the sound of my voice that got through to him. Or maybe he was just now awakening from what was clearly a pretty bad dream. Whatever the case might be, he shook his head, and when his eyes connected with mine I saw recognition flash in those dark depths, as he struggled to shake off the last remnants of the nightmare.

But he was still holding me, pinning me down, and his grip was painfully strong. That unseeing look in his eyes was terrifying, as if he was looking through me, not at me, and the emptiness in that gaze was unsettling enough to send my heart into a frantic rhythm. 

"You're here" he mused, and his voice was cold "You shouldn't be here. You...can't....be here"

"I am here, Severus. Right here, with you" I whispered furiously, swallowing when the recognition I first saw in his eyes faded and that eerie glossy look returned to his eyes.

"It's not real" he breathed "It can't be"

And I knew then that he still thought it was a dream. That I was a figment of his imagination, probably some lure or trap. The fact that he dreamed about me should have been cause for hope, or at least a little spark of happiness, but instead it brought me pain to know that he thought he didn't deserve to be happy, that even when I was right in front of him, offering him support, companionship, he thought it a lie. That is must be trickery. False.