paper cranes | uc.

prologue

' paper scent. '

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i died.

she watches as the stars are devoured one by one, where the darkness bled in the sky like blood would stain her clothes. it was at these times when she would realize just how alive she was, yet at the same time, she had died not long ago.

here she stands, on the still water like a mirror, reflecting the bleeding azure sky like it was the only thing she ever saw. [name] doesn't feel the water underneath her feet, but rather, she feels water fall down from her eyes once her thoughts finally sink in.

she had died.

she had died, without ever having to do what she wanted.

she had died, finally free from his clutches and sharp tongue.

she had died, after awaiting it for so long.

yet now that it's happened...she doesn't want it anymore.

she breathed out what was stuck in her throat, clutching her wrist with her other arm, and began rubbing her rigid nails against her skin. she knew she was crying at the realization of her own death, but for some reason, she felt...odd.

she didn't feel happy, nor did she feel sad.

to be honest, she wasn't sure what she should be feeling.

[name] holds her breath in her own subconsciousness, her eyes darting over her own reflection in the still water underneath her, her heels feeling a subtle change in the water once she bends down and feels her rough fingertips against the water; this was her fractured awareness. even she was smart enough to figure that out.

at the first touch, she sees a spectrum of colors sparkle underneath her, shining up and high but she doesn't notice. it's pretty, that was the only thing she thought. moving it around, she soon sunk her hand into the water, feeling chills go down her spine.

was this heaven?

it didn't really feel like it though.

was this how she was from inside?

perhaps.

it was a bleak reality that was folded into a memory that precists across her dreams. [name] knows deep down that water - or rather, her tears - were not a good memory for her. when she tried to search deep down, she only found blurs of words and faces with pencil marks over them.

it was noisy.

it was always noisy.

her ears ring for a second and she winces, "ow..." she places one hand against her ear, lightly hitting it to make the annoying sound go away somehow. it was blurring her vision, the static noise of the disconnected television laying a curtain over her entire being.

stop.

make it stop.

"mom, i promise, i'll save us both!"

make it stop.

"you...! you're hiding money from me, aren't you?! you stupid bitch!"

stop it.

"your mother abandoned you because she obviously saw nothing in you!"

no...

"maybe...if i kill you...then will i get some condolence money...?"

a series of images flash in her eyes, her breathing becoming rigged. she feels like something is wiping her up, taking away everything she wanted to remember but had to forget.

she waits for the air to grow shallow and tight; the skies dampen with thick ashy black and it's akin to blood oozing out of her wounds as a child, cluttered and almost creational. she waits for the stars to crawl from the darkness against the silhouette of her own [e/c] eyes and it cements death as the core of the reels of her life.

she raises them slowly and painfully and sees the blue memory of curved lips as his hungry eyes stare at her. 

make it stop...please...

she hears her name over and over again, the voices echoing in her ears until it reaches the nerves, where it starts to repeat itself. 

[name]...

[name]...

"[name]...do you want to live?"

she begs for the voices to stop, stop, just stop, but no one listens. the people who are speaking to her cannot get their words through. it's as though their voice is meaningless against the misty void clouding her mind. their tongue is flat with empathy and the syllables cannot break apart the lines sulking between her irises and the gaps in her gritted teeth. 

the voice asks again.

"[name]...do you want to live?"

she answers without hesitation.

"yes...i do."