✨I moved on what about you✨

Until death do us part

Tsukishima's POV:

"I'm so sorry. Hinata Shoyo is dead. He died of blood loss and trauma. We're very sorry." My mother covers he mouth and stumble into my father and I see Ukai fall onto a chair. I shake my head.

No. That's not possible. He's not dead. He can't die.

The doctor's words repeat in my head over and over. "Hinata Shoyo is dead."

I feel... empty. Like there's a void where my heart should be. I feel like nothing in the world has any purpose or meaning. It's numbing, this feeling. I watch as the doctor walks away, leaving us with his haunting words, and I fall to the floor. "Mein Liebling!  I'm so sorry Kei! I'm so sorry." I just stare in a daze as my mother weeps hugging me.

There's a bottomless pit in my stomach and I feel like I'm made of glass and someone just swung a sledge hammer at me. I didn't know a person could feel so much longing and ache.

My father takes off his glasses and slumps into a chair and resting his head on his hands, I think this is the first time I've actually seen him cry in front of me. Ukai stomps out of the hospital to god knows where and I don't try to follow him.

I lay on the floor in my mother's embrace, it's empty. I can't feel my fingers and I feel cold. It's strange. I feel... like suddenly nothing really matters anymore.

"I want to see him." My mother looks at me. She cups my expressionless face and gives me a weak smile. 

I walk down to the end of the hall where Shoyo is- ... where Shoyo 'was'. There's a curtain around his bed and a nurse walks up to me. "I-i'm so sorry for your loss." She quickly runs out and closes the door giving me some privacy.

I walk up to the curtain and stand there trying to get it together. I close my eyes and reach out with a shaky hand to gently open the curtain. When I open my eyes, I completely lose it. My heart feels as if it was just ripped out of my body and I stagger towards the side of his bed, as my knees start to buckle, collapsing into a chair. His body is lifeless, unmoving and his complexion is a pasty white, covered in stitches and bandages. There are so many tubes and needles connected to him and his hospital gown is all bloody. The heart monitor by his bed is a flat line and un moving. His eyes are closed and I'll never be able to stare into those beautiful rich chocolate eyes of his. His beautiful face, frozen in time like a perfect statue, is covered in bruises and small cuts. I'll never get to see him smile at me again or hear his laugh, he'll.... he'll never call out my name again. I trace a finger over his face and choke back a sob. I gently take his hand and squeeze it. "I fucking failed you. I know I did and it'll haunt me forever. But we had a whole life waiting for us. I had a plan. I had it all planned out. SO WHY'D YOU FUCKING LEAVE ME?! WHY?!" My breathing becomes ragged as my tears stain his sterile, white hospital bed.

"I used to think you were like a monarch butterfly you know. They were bright and vibrant, delicate and fragile, they're beautiful to look at but they're deadly too ya know. And so were you. They say that monarch butterflies symbolize being on the right path. You know before I met you I was so fucking lost. And then you came along and set me on the right path. My little monarch. You were my fucking pride and joy. You were always there to light the way and guide me. But now here I am wandering about again now that the lights' gone out. I'm wandering in a dark abyss. And I'll never escape." I gaze at his lifeless face and let go of his hand. I take in a shuddered breath and lay my head on his lap. It's cold. It's so cold. A tear slips down my cheek and I take off my glasses.

"Remember how I got down on one knee that night when I asked you to be mine and I told you that later on when we were older I'd do it again? I still want to Shoyo. I still want that future with you. I want to wake up to your warmth and you'll be right by my side. I want you to make those adorable pancakes for me again and I can wrap my arms around you and you'll laugh. I want to see you smile and whisper my name like you did before. God your smile. I would kill to see it again. You don't realize how it would light up even the darkest corners of a room and make someone feel so at ease. I wanted you to meet my family in Germany so that I could brag to them about how amazing you were. I wanted to meet you family in France and get their blessings to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to stand at that fucking altar while you said 'I do' with happy tears in your eyes. I wanted to say I wanted to hold our kid as you made fun of me for being soft. I wanted to grow old with you and watch our grandchildren play around in our house. I wanted to make those memories with you Shoyo. I still do. I know it's selfish for an asshole like me to want you but I don't want to make these memories with anyone else. It has to be you, understand? I can't live in this world without you shrimpy. Please don't do this to me."