GO WHITE BOY GO|Marauders Era

Baka😫

Lily shook me awake

" Hayden Jimenez get up right now!" She yelled

" alright alright Jesus lord I'm up lils I'm up." I stated pulling the covers off and looking at the clock.

"Lils its 3 in the morning what do you want?" I asked her confused

" it's time for one of our late night talks" she smiled grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the bed.

She led me downstairs to the common room where the boys, Marlene and Alice were.

" hi guys" I waved tiredly.

" hey! You're wearing the shirt I got you!" James said excitedly

" yes jamsie Baka I am" I laughed.

" okay so why exactly are we having a late night talk?" I asked

" I'm just in the mood for one" lily stated

" well I'm not, it's three in the morning and I hate listening to you girls talk about your feelings." Siruis rolled his eyes

" doesn't matter." Lily stated turning back to me.

" lils are you okay?" I asked her concerned. She looked a little down.

" me and Severus aren't friends anymore" she said looking down

" well thank Merlin for that. I didn't like him" James rolled his eyes.

" oh! Would you stop! He's not as bad as you think he is" lily yelled

" I just- I don't understand why he wouldn't want to be friends with me" she said looking down.

" lils, one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still Alive" I said to her as she brought her head up to look at me.

" Hayden. You have depression right?" She asked me.

My breath got caught in my throat. I didn't want anyone to find out. I didn't want her to tell anyone.

" uh- yeah." I stated looking at my hands

" how do you deal with it? I mean being sad all the time" she asked me

" I'll be okay for a few days but then it hits me, I stop functioning and everything falls apart again." I let out a sigh

" so it really never gets better?" Peter asked me .

" no it does. It does to some extent. Before I met you guys my mental health was terrible. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, I wasn't doing anything. I just laid in bed all day and didn't get up untill I felt like it. It's what Americans call depressive episodes. They happen every so often, but now since I've met you guys I haven't had one. That doesn't mean I still don't feel down sometimes, because I do it's just better than it was before" I smiled

"It hurts" lily whispered. All eyes turned to her

" of course it does" I smiled sadly. "It's going to hurt for awhile"

" you dated a boy once right?" She asked me through glossy eyes

" yes. Yes I have" I stated

" then why did you guys break up? If you don't mind me asking" she said turning her body towards me.

"He didn't love me, and I didn't love him either. I think maybe we could have been something but it happened at the wrong time." I stated quietly

" you never loved him?" She asked

" At one time I did, but he changed. He didn't just change into a boy I didn't recognize, he changed into a boy he promised he would never be. He became distant. He would flirt with other girls, he would constantly try to control me and he just barely talked to me. So yeah I loved him at one time. I loved how he would check up on me every night. I loved how he would laugh at my terrible jokes. I didn't love the boy he became. I don't know who that boy is, and I'm glad I didn't stay long enough to get to know him" I finished averting my eyes to my feet.

" you know with someone who's always so energetic and makes everyone laugh you sure do have some dark stuff buried" James said

" I'm sorry if that was to much" I laughed out.

" it's okay hayden honestly, thank you for feeling comfortable enough to tell us this" Alice smiled warmly at me.

" so how about we call it a night yeah?" I asked

" yeah I'm tired" Siruis said yawning.

" alright goodnight lovelies" I said before going back up to the dorm with the girls following behind me.

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I sat down next to Remus in potions and gave him a tired smile.

" tired?" He asked me.

" yeah. Didn't sleep much" I said running a hand through my hair.

" why's that?" He asked me concerned

"Rem- uh sooner or later we're going to have to talk about what happened before You left for Christmas break" I stated

" your right" he shook his head

" let's do it right now" he smiled

" I- I didn't think you'd actually want to but okay" I said laughing

" so um- I think you should know that it meant a great deal to me, but if it didn't to you. Please tell me you know skip the whole " letting me down easy" part and be straightforward" I stated playing with my rings.

" it did mean something to me, you have no idea" he said his face getting red

" but you don't wanna do anything about it cause you think you don't deserve what I have to give. Right?" I said

" yeah" he said quietly

" well can't you respect me enough to make my own decision? So what you are what you are. Remus it's not like I'm going to go down there with the four of you and get myself hurt. And even if I did I'm sure I can find a way to become an animagus so I don't" I stated looking at him.

" what about my mood swings? And days after the full moon. You wouldn't be able to handle that" he said shaking his head.

" Remus. I'm kinda offended you think I would care about your mood swings. I care about YOU. After the full moon I'll go to the infirmary and take care of you I mean come on. My dad's a surgeon for Christ sake" I said.

He still looked hesitant

" look. How about this. You think about it and if you do decide you wanna give this a try I'll take you on a date" I smiled

"a- a date?" He asked

" yes Remus a date. Where two people who like each other go to a restaurant or hangout. A date" I smiled

" can I think about it?" He knitted his eyebrows together

" I just said that rem." I rolled my eyes playfully.

I turned my attention back to slughorn and smiled to myself.

This boy will be the death of me.

A/n- hiii loves!
I know this one is short but it's hard to write two books at once.

But school lets out in 19 days so I should be adding more words and definitely updating more often.

I really hope you guys like this book<3

Please eat and drink today!