Poems That I Form

Who am I?

I thought life would be easier,
I don't know how or why I thought that.
I guess I figured I've been through
So much
That I'd get a break.
Just one,
Just one day or even a few hours is all I need.

I've been an engine of happiness and reassurance
For
Seventeen years,
Eleven months,
Nine days,
Nine hours,
And thirty minutes.
I'm very tired and I'd like to go to sleep
For forever.
I haven't had someone listen to me
When I needed happiness and reassurance.
Why do I have to be the one without it?

I need my break,
A break where I forget everyone I've been with,
I've known,
I've loved.
If I could start anew,
I think I could be myself again.
I haven't been myself for
Seven years,
Eleven months,
Nine days,
Nine hours,
And thirty-four minutes.
It gets exhausting when I realize
"Oh.
I don't think I'm going to be myself
Anytime soon."

Who is 'myself'?
Who is this person in the mirror?
Who is this person who tries to smile
When she feels like dying?
Who is the girl who still goes to school
When she knows she almost killed herself last night?
Who is this person,
Is she even a girl anymore?
Am I a girl?
Or am I just erasing the fact that I might not be either?

I've been questioning myself for
Seventeen years,
Eleven months,
Nine days,
Nine hours,
And thirty-seven minutes.
When will I stop questioning myself
And just be myself?