Poems That I Form

How To Show It

WARNING: mention of NSFW things, containing stuff on reproduction and pleasure.

I shouldn't be crying over this
But I'm a bit of an emotional person
If you can't tell.

God, I love you so much,
And I tell you everyday.
You kiss me and cherish me,
I can tell by every stare and smile
That we're going to last, just a little while longer.

So why can't I do the same for you?
Ministrations and physical contact,
Two brutally difficult things for me to go through with.
What pleasure can I bring you if
I can't even kiss you properly?
What even counts as a proper kiss?

I'm terrified of asking you.
Of asking anybody.
How to show affection,
How to get over a trauma,
How to give a hand job,
How to have sex,
How to kiss,
How to show love?
How to love?

You can't just Google it anymore.
You have to find it yourself.
But I can't, it's taking too long.
I'm taking too long.

You're going to leave me soon,
I just know it.

Maybe I should say goodbye early,
Oh God, I don't want to do that.
I love you far too much to.
But how can I even tell it
If I can't even show it?

You're a whole year older than me,
And that counts a lot more than it should.
I've only had relations with two people.
I only had my first kiss.
Now, suddenly, I have heavy breaths and hot kisses and roaming hands and wandering eyes and I'm so terrified oh my God Why am I so scared I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so so so sorry, I don't know what I'm doing and it's scary.
Everything is scary and worrisome and am I doing this right am I touching you all right can I pleasure in the right way what am I doing wrong?
Oh God, am I doing everything
Wrong?