Poems That I Form

Im too tired.

It's strange to be lying in my bed,
Crying over you,
Because I know you're not doing the same for me.
Because when you said those words
Only my eyes held the truth as I said
"It's fine, don't worry about me."
I must have hid it well,
Considering you stayed hours after the proclamation of no-more love.
Three, maybe four hours of
Awkward silence and fake smiles.
Why did this happen again?
Oh, yes.
Because I wasn't enough.
I'll never be enough.

It's funny seeing you and me happy,
Even after it all went down.
Sitting next to each other,
Self-deprecating humor at our lips.
But you didn't know that my hands trembled as I was picking up food,
You didn't notice I wouldn't speak up more than a slight whisper.
You didn't notice I wouldn't slide into a hot tub with friends splashing each other and laughing because I was too sacred to touch you once more.
You never noticed anything, did you?
Am I wrong in saying such?

When you came over and I hadn't seen you,
You gorgeous you,
I kissed you hard on the mouth,
Pouring every single want and longing and feeling I had in it.
I thought I felt the same.
I was so wrong, considering you ended it all that day, maybe an hour after.

I can't say it's okay anymore.
I want happiness,
You gave me happiness,
It was taken away too fast.
I know,
I should rely on myself for happiness,
But at this point,
My serotonin levels are too low.
So do I have no more happiness?
Apparently so,
Because every memory is now tainted with those words.
They're tainted with nasty,
Salty,
Dribbling-down-the-cheek tears.

All I ask now is did you have second thoughts?
Or were you planning this from the beginning?