Poems That I Form

changes i didnt wish for

Why can't we go back?
Back in time.
I have videos of our last play,
And he sucked helium out of a balloon
And gave a director's speech,
Making us all go into hysterics.
I mean,
At that time I learned I loved him still.
But being friends?
It was still perfect.
I want it to be that way again.

I'm so very worried.
Because I know him now
And he's only after his personal gains
Like losing his virginity
Or adding another play to his list.
And you're so sweet,
So kind,
So unworthy of him.
I don't think you get it either.
You say you'll stay away.
But are you really?
And so I'm still worried.
Because you deserve so much more.

The problem as well is that I still love him.
I threw myself out like a garbage bag of
Depression and iron deficiency,
Like how I'm supposed to be,
And although I found him next to me out there,
I know I'm better than him.
Because at least I won't break your heart
After you were just told a friend of yours died.
Or after you haven't seen each other for two whole weeks.
Or after you worked with kids and had everyone else break down on you,
But no one for you to break down on.
And you're lonely.
And all he wants is sex.
Before he turns 18.

I know I should be happy for you,
But you love him,
And he only wants friends with benefits.
If you're in love with someone and they don't love you that way,
And they only want sex,
They're the ones that are wrong.
Because you're you.
And you're in love.
And you deserve to be in love with someone who genuinely wants to be with you.
For your smiles,
Your laughs,
Your tears,
Your embarrassing stories,
Your panic attacks,
Your 2 am thoughts.
Because love is not some materialistic thing that people throw at each other.
No.
Love is supposed to be the best feeling in the world.
And sure, it can hurt once in a while.
That's what heartbreak is for.
But love will grow back in someone new.
Someone who deserves just as much love as you.

I love you.
It's not the romantic love that you strive for.
But it's love.
And you should have every last bit of it.
Sorry that everything is changing.
Changes are difficult to cope.
But I swear,
Together,
We can get through this.
We change change it to be how it used to be.
With hysterical laughter because he sucked helium out of a balloon.
And said one last speech.