bearing his scars | k.th

forty-eight

Walking around the corner she noticed him leaning against the wall next to the bathroom doors, hands in his pockets, head bowed down to the ground.

He was so deep in his thoughts he barely noticed her walking towards him cautiously, only once she was standing right in front of him did he acknowledge her presence. But he stayed quiet, watching her.

Chaeyoung opened her mouth to say something but she faltered, not really knowing what to say. Glancing to the side she clutched her hands tightly, thinking.

''I'm sorry that-''

''Stop.'' She closed her mouth immediately, pursing her lips. ''I don't want your pity.'' Shaking her head she looked back up at him.

''I'm sorry, you're right. But that's not what I wanted to say.'' Taehyung quirked up his eyebrow but didn't say anything.

''I'm sorry for how things had to be between the two of us. I'm sorry that at the beginning I hated you. Yes, I used to have a crush on Jimin and I hated you because you pulled him away from me,'' taking a deep breath in she unsurely looked him in the eyes, ''but I don't hate you anymore. And I don't want us to keep on fighting. I want to be your friend.''

There was a long, painful silence, and seeing him not responding to her in any way, Chaeyoung cursed at herself internally.

She wasn't sure where the confidence came from, but she was also relieved that the words were out. Now it was Taehyung's turn to react somehow, and however that would be, at least it would clear things out for her.

At least that's what she thought.

''I don't hate you either.'' was the only thing he said however and while the answer relieved her greatly, she still wasn't sure about his feelings towards her.

''Can we...be friends then?''

''No.'' Confused, Chaeyoung frowned, momentarily looking away from the boy to try and collect her thoughts.

''Why not?'' she muttered, looking back up at the expressionless boy, ''is it because of Jimin? I don't have a crush on him anymore if that's what you're worried about. I...do you still not want me to be near him? But w-''

''I don't owe you any explanation Chaeyoung,'' he explained through his teeth, Chaeyoung's blood starting to boil once again.

''Yes, you do! What am I doing wrong?'' Sighing, Taehyung rubbed his forehead.

''It's not you. I have my own reasons. Now leave it be.'' With that, he was about to go, but having enough of his game, Chaeyoung grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.

''I will not leave it be! We won't be friends if you don't want to, but tell me why! I am going crazy thinking about everything that could be the reason but-''

''Chaeyoung!'' Startled, she watched him with widened eyes as he pushed her to the wall, holding her by her shoulders tightly.

In silence, she observed his eyes and expression carefully. He seemed distressed himself, unsure and shaken up. An unusual sight.

After a moment of stiff silence, he chuckled weakly, looking down.

''Why do you have to be so difficult?'' he spoke softly with a hint of humor, but Chaeyoung recognized the heavy stiffness in his voice, one that spoke of suffering.

''No, why do you have to be difficult Tae?'' He looked up at her, pursing his lips.

''I don't know,'' he muttered, squeezing her shoulder even tighter, but not to the point it would hurt, so Chaeyoung let it be, ''just please understand,'' he faltered, his eyes running around her face frantically, ''that I can't. I can't be your friend, I hope you can accept that.''

Sighing, Chaeyoung looked away, her heart heavy and her mind clouding over with helplessness.

There was one thing left to do. Get the truth out and see what happens. It would either save their relationship or flood it down to such depths, nothing would be able to ever save it.

Not even fate itself.

''I need to tell you something,'' she trembled, gulping heavily as she avoided his eyes.

There was a silence, indicating that Taehyung was listening.

But Chaeyoung's tongue was tied. It didn't want to come out, out of fear her vocal cords stopped working all so suddenly, Chaeyoung was terrified but frustrated at the same time.

If she doesn't tell him now, she wouldn't tell him ever.

And that thought itself scared her even more than his any possible reaction to the secret she was keeping from him.

Taking a deep breath she gathered all the courage she had, and she knew she could do it.

Just as she was about to speak clearly, Taehyung squeezed her shoulder softly for the last time before letting go, stepping back.

Worried, Chaeyoung looked up but he wasn't looking at her, rather at the ground underneath their shoes.

''Whatever it is, I don't need to hear it,'' he spoke, but the usual aggression and mock she was used to from him was gone, replaced by emptiness and grief.

Frowning she shook her head, approaching him.

''No, you really need to-''

''Chaeyoung, please!'' he boomed, stepping back once more, and Chaeyoung's heart ached as she saw the frustration and anger in him slowly resurfacing once again, despite his obvious attempts to push them down.

She stayed quiet, her heart in her chest squeezing painfully.

''I don't care what you have to say.'' It was forced, she knew it was, ''just leave me alone.''

And like that he left, leaving her alone, once again, like he always does. But this time, instead of anger and frustration, she felt sorrow, because somehow, she knew this was the last chance they wasted in getting things between them to be better.