Love you, Hate you

Rocky start

A pair of hazel orbs pinned Kongpob to the bed. Not letting him shift an inch from where he is lying underneath a pale frame hovering over him. Or may be it is just him who is unwilling to move away. To put any sort of distance. Yearning to get more and more close to the said person. Jade black fringes falling all over the said figure's forehead, towering over him. Hiding the sight of the handsome face. Giving a mere glimpse of the owner. Defined razor sharped jawline, high cheekbones at the moment flushed red, a pair of lustrous and glossy pink lips, slightly ajar at the moment. Beads of sweat adorning the smooth pale skin like diamonds. Kongpob can feel his heart thumping so hard like he had run a marathon. His body burning with an unquenchable need coursing through his veins. Reaching forward, he palmed silky rosy cheeks of the person, his right hand wrapping itself around the later's nape, the way snakes embrace the sandalwood, before giving a tug, pulling the person down, crashing their lips together. Soft, inaudible,merely above a breath,  words echoed in the otherwise silent room....kiss me.....

Kongpob blinks. The first thing which appears in his vision is the sea blue ceiling. Still in lying position, he runs his eyes around and grayish blue walls welcome him. The sight unfamiliar but not unknown. He had been at the same place exactly a week ago.

7 days.

Whole seven days has passed since his life has taken a sharp turn, changing the semantics of his life altogether. Since the day a new name added to his. Since the day he got married. The day Arthit accused him of being a gold digger. The day everything crumbled for once and all.

After the elder left, Kongpob also left the shiny yet cold penthouse silently and went back to his small studio. The only safe haven for him. He wanted to go to his sister but knew that it would only make her worry. And she would somehow end up blaming herself for all these when it's not the case. Thus, he locked himself inside the four walls and dropped a text to Sia stating that he would be out of touch for a few days and to not get worried in case they got no reply from him, before switching off his cellphone. He laid himself on the worn out mattress and let his mind wander. No longer caging it or forcing to think positive. Letting him drown amidst the ocean of despair and loneliness.

Married.

A single word yet has the capacity to overthrow his whole life in shambles. Kongpob can't believe that he is no longer a free soul and is actually in a relation, albeit a forced and unwilling one but engaged nonetheless.

If asked truthfully, the young man has never imagined himself as a married person. Even years back, when his father had settled him for an arranged marriage with Alec, Kongpob was reluctant. He never had any inclination or desire to tie himself with another soul for his rest of existence on the earth. He don't know from where this reluctance to marriage stemmed into him. As far as he remember, his parents were a poster couple for married people. They were soo sickeningly lovey dovey to each other that sometimes it gross out Kongpob as a kid. There was so much affection, trust and understanding between his parents. He still has not forgotten the moment his father took his last breath. The sight as clear as the sky. 

 One of his hand intertwined with her mother who seemed like her soul has left her body. And perhaps it did. His mother is not half of the lively and jolly person she once was. Pinky of his other hand crooked and tangled within Arthit's, whose beautiful hazel orbs were shining with unshed tears, in a sort of promising gesture. What was the promise? He never knew. Circumstances never let him.

The young man snapped back to reality as that day replays in his vision. Fresh tears sprang inside his eyes, forcing him to squeeze them shut to stop them from falling. But like everything thing else, his tears also betrayed him and slipped one after other. He is feeling so helpless and weak at the moment. Add on the guilt of playing with someone's emotions. All things tumbled down to dark pitch bottomless abyss making home inside Kongpob. He just wants to disappear. To vanish. To go to sleep and never wake up. He wishes to die at the moment. He feels like someone has snatched his soul from him. He is feeling so dead inside, like there is no life left in him. Everything seems so bleak.